Interlude #1: Does Anyone Have a Question? Anyone?

The most basic ammunition for a law school professor or law school student is the hypothetical question. Armed with a supply of hypothetical questions, the master law school professor can lay waste to the minds of countless law school students. Questions like "What is the holding of Roe v. Wade" or "What is the dissent's main argument in Plessy v. Ferguson" aren't that scary to the veteran law school student. Thanks to commercial outlines like Gilberts and websites like Lexis-Nexis, a time-crunched student can get the basics in five minutes, all without breaking open the covers of a typical casebook.
Hypothetical questions, despite their innocent looks, can be evil. Professors can come up with a thousand variations on a basic fact pattern. Some professors can devise hypothetical questions that will tax the mind, making a law school student agonize over the answer. It's like sticking a knife in the stomach of a person and slowly twisting it., watching the unfortunate victim squirm and gasp in agony like a fish being gutted. The student can use the hypothetical question effectively also. By coming up with a convoluted hypothetical question, the law school student can effectively waste time for other pursuits like playing Bejeweled Deluxe or looking at Facebook profiles. One, however, must be careful in the use of hypothetical questions. If the question is too convoluted or too inane, it can turn students against the professor or the student who asked it.
The following is a selection of the best, possibly worst, hypothetical questions asked by professors and students. Names have been changed or eliminated for obvious reasons. These are actual questions. After reading these hypothetical questions, one may question the mental state of law school students and law school professors.

Professor: "Let's assume the following. O sends an offer. The next day, O sends a revocation. The offer is received by B. B sends a rejection. Then B sends an acceptance. B receives the revocation. Then O receives the rejection and finally, the acceptance. Under the Restatement on Contracts, is there a contract? Wait, I made a mistake. Instead of O receiving the rejection first, O receives the acceptance first. OK, now under these facts, is there a contract?"
Student: (After Professor states that the declarant must be a human to fall under the hearsay rule): "In the real world, you know, at a trial, and not in law school, what if the following happens? There's a talking radar gun and it says a person drove at 55 MPH in a 30 MPH zone, utters, whatever. The
police officer, at trial says that he heard the gun say the driver was going at 55 MPH. Does that make a difference legally?"
Professor: "Let's say the state has a rule stating that it is mandatory for all citizens to donate blood and bone marrow. They will use force on people to donate these things. If this ended up in the United States Supreme Court, what level of scrutiny would the Court use based upon these facts?"
Student: "Under agency theory, you stated that the agent needs actual as well as constructive notice to make the principal's revocation of agent's power official?" (Professor nods.) "OK, hypothetically
speaking, what if the principal sends an e-mail to the agent saying that the agent is no longer an agent and the agent makes a contract with a third party while the agent is busy making this contract. The contract isn't completed until after the e-mail is sent and received. What happens then?"*

*A quick note about Hypothetical Question #4. The professor, a well known Business Associations professor, got angry (maybe he was acting) and said, "OK, that requires stuff from Contracts I and the Mailbox Rule and does anyone know what that says and what Restatement section that is? I don't remember what that is. Does anyone remember what that said? Damn it *****! Why did you have to ask that question? It may look like I'm being unfair to *****, but I'm not. He used to be on an academic committee as a 1L, and I was the academic chair. He used to ask convoluted questions like this."
The other basic type of ammunition used by professors and students is the open-ended question. Professors enjoy usings these questions as they supposedly lead to free and open discussion. Note the word "supposedly" in the previous sentence. In general, open-ended questions lead to awkward and embarassing painful silence, sort of like when two people are on a first date and they're trying to build up to the conversation stage. Or, when you're at a social event like a dinner party and a drunk guest says something about the skeletons in someone's closet like their alcohol problem or drug rehabilitation stint. One can easily substitute any other topic they find suitable. Yeah. Not that good. Some of the more "interesting" questions.

Professor: (After quoting some raunchy lyrics from 2 Live Crew and showing a PowerPoint slide with song titles that bordered on the explicit. The person he was asking these questions happened to be a Mormon.) "In your personal opinion, do you think this is obscenity? Does it have any redeeming artistic merit?"
Professor: "What's your opinion on healthcare law and the rules governing personal injury?"
Professor: (After being told by student that they did not know enough about the subject to give any sort of opinion) "So what? Everybody has an opinion! Surely, you have an opinion. What is it?"
Professor: "Quick. What equipment is needed to manufacture methamphetamines?"

Someone once said that there are no stupid questions. They were right. There are no stupid questions, but a whole lot of people asking a whole lot of questions. There is a good piece of advice that one should follow. To sound wise, sometimes it is best to stay silent. Does anyone have a question? Anyone?

Chapter Two, Part Two OR How to Get a Date in 60 Seconds

Elle gave him another quick hug and quickly wove her way across the crowded room towards her target. Jake saw that it was an automatic connection based upon their body language. There was a nice amount of eye contact, not too much and not too little. Both Elle and Alex were leaning forward. Elle also did the hair flip, the best sign of attraction that a female can make. Why females did this and why this invariably got the attention of men was something he never understood and something that experts in psychology didn't understand either.
Jake decided to wander around the room. He could find something interesting to talk about with someone interesting while doing this. Jake did find something interesting to do, at least in his opinion. He solved the Riemann Zeta Hypothesis (a notoriously unsolved mathematics problem), came up with a peace plan for the Middle East (a notoriously unsolved political problem), and understood the differences between men and women that cause relationship problems (a notorious problem afflicting everyone). Jake really didn't solve any of these problems, but if he solved just one of those problems, it would make him world famous, especially the last problem. He loved mathematics, but most people don't particularly care about math. The Middle East, there would never be peace in his opinion. Well, there would be peace when everyone died. And understanding the female psyche, that was close to impossible. No, he did more mundane things like solving arguments involving trivia. Like the name and contents of the drink James Bond made in Casino Royale (The Vesper and it contained gin, vodka, and Kina Lillet), the number of dimples on a PGA regulation golf ball (182), and other obscure random facts that most people didn't know or didn't care to know unless one wanted to be a Triva Pursuit or Jeopardy star in the vein of Ken Jennings. People found his recall abilities and the sheer amount of obscure and relatively useless knowledge he possessed to be scary at times. Most normal people didn't do stuff like this.
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After making his circuit around the room, Jake stopped in front of a wall lined with pictures in black frames. Most of the pictures were of Elizabeth's family. Some were reproductions of famous paintings like Monet's Water Lilies and VanGogh's Sunflowers. He saw that two of his sketches were represented. While he was looking at the pictures, Jake felt a presence nearby, standing behind him. It was like some kind of sixth sense or a kind of radar. He couldn't explain it, but he knew it was someone he had seen before at Davis Law.
"Could you move a little to..." said the person behind him.
Based upon the voice, Jake deduced the person behind him was a female. Despite the drum pounding his ears and the loud, constant beat of the music, he clearly heard the soft, sonorous music of her voice. Jake instinctively knew that he should shuffle a few steps to the right, even before she even said this.
She said, "The right. Thank you. Wait. You moved to the right before I even said it."
Jake turned around to see who was having a conversation with. He saw a lithe, willowy figure, with a welcoming smile and wavy hair of burnished gold. "So I did. Hi, my name is Jake Lau. And I believe your name is Clarissa Westwood." Jake recalled that she used to go outside and smoke last year. "Used to" was the operative phrase because he hadn't seen her smoke recently. He wondered if she still smoked.
"That's correct, Jake." Clarissa said this with a slight smile. She moved her blond hair away from her eyes. Jake saw that her eyes were an intense emerald green. She leaned forward and whispered, "And no, I don't smoke anymore. I quit during the summer."
Jake began to wonder how she knew what he was thinking at that moment. He also wondered how they were operating on the same wavelength. This didn't occur everyday when you met people. Mentally, Jake was quite confused at this moment. Emotionally, it was crystal clear. Jake liked her. He really liked her. OK, maybe "like" wasn't the best word or the most apt word to describe what he was feeling emotionally at that moment. One could say that Jake was in love with Clarissa, but love was more of a steady burn and this was a bright and intense spark. Love was a word that was easily said by everyone, but extremely hard to show by actions. One could say he was taken by her, but that had some unusual sounding connotations as if one was talking about property. The best description of what Jake was feeling at this moment was "intense attraction with the hope that the feeling was reciprocal." People at the beginning of any relationship with a person they liked had this feeling. Most often, the other person does not have such feelings or they do, but are unwilling to say so. In general, the people Jake liked fell into the first category.
Clarissa moved closer to the pictures, to better see them. He felt her arm brush against his, making his skin tingle. Jake could smell her perfume, a floral one that was pleasant but not overpoweringly sweet. Every breath he took made his pulse pound faster and his head swim. Any closer and he would collapse. One more breath and he would become dizzy from the scent. Jake felt uncomfortably warm.
Clarissa asked, "By any chance, do you know who drew those?" She pointed her finger at the sketches that Jake drew. "They're well done. The girl in them is beautiful."
"I drew them," Jake murmured. He felt his face flush. "The person in the pictures, her name is Elizabeth Grant. The same Elizabeth who's hosting this party. And thank you for the compliment."
Jake struggled to meet her gaze. He didn't want to show the emotions he was feeling right now. At this particular moment, it would be a personal secret just between them, one that no one else would know. Despite this, he would feel exposed. If he met her gaze, she would know everything.
"Could you draw my portrait? I would like one."
Jake blurted, "You're flawless. Any drawing would be a poor copy of perfection."
Jake's face turned a bright crimson, redder than the red of Davis University's official school colors. The other was a royal blue. Thankfully, his face didn't turn blue. Clarissa's cheeks also changed colors, slowing turning pink and then the same shade of red as Jake's face. He thought, "What is happening to me? This is just crazy."
Clarissa's lips parted into a nymph-like smile. Jake tried to maintain his composure, a task that was becoming harder and harder to do every second that passed by.
Clarissa asked, "Do you want to draw my portrait? I can pose for you."
"Yes. No. I don't know." Jake was confused. "I don't know what I'm thinking. I don't know what I am saying. I don't know what I mean."
Clarissa laughed. "You like me, admit it. If it makes you feel any better, I like you."
Jake said, "It's been a while since I last was in a relationship. I wish I could say this better, so I'll just keep this simple. I like you." He paused and added as an afterthought, "So, do you want to go out on a date?"
"Sure. Don't you think we should exchange phone numbers and e-mail addresses first? It would help, you know."
Jake and Clarissa exchanged e-mail addresses and phone numbers. What happened after this encounter was one giant blur for Jake. All he remembered was being in a complete daze, wondering how he managed to change his relationship outlook in so short a time and with such an attractive girl. Jake thought he would wake up and find out that this experience was a dream. Even if it was a dream, it was a very vivid and realistic one. After all, wasn't life just a dream? It was just an ephemeral thing that lasted for a moment, one brief instant when compared to other things. This dream was one he didn't want to wake up from.
Jake and Clarissa left the party together, hand in hand. He escorted Clarissa to her front door and said goodbye. After she closed her door, Jake walked towards his car. He was happy. Things were looking up for once. His second year at law school was beginning very well. Now only if his classes would get better.
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End of Chapter Two