Another Update to the Mess...
CHAPTER SEVEN: THE REVERSAL OF FORTUNE
"Fotune rota volvitur; descendo minoratus; alter in altum tollitur." (The wheel of Fortune turns; I go down, demeaned; another is raised up.)
-Carmina Burana, "Fortune Plango Vulnera"
"Sors immanis et inanis, rota tu volubilis, status malus, vana salus semper dissolubilis." (Fate--monstrous and empty, you whirling wheel, you are malevolent, well being is vain and always fades to nothing.)
-Carmina Burana, "Fortuna Imperatrix Mundi"
“Fortune is like the market, where many times, if you can stay a little, the price will fall.”
-Francis Bacon
ONE
[Note from Editors: This chapter is very incomplete as there is a dreadful, at least in our opinion, (as researchers, we like primary sources as it resolves so many problems) lack of primary sources from Mr. King as well as MCRGES. We, as researchers as well as historians, prefer primary sources from the main characters involved in the events being described in writing. First, and most obviously, these are the words coming straight from the people involved. You can’t get a better source than the people involved. With such primary sources, one gets the full scope of the story. The personal details and decisions that influenced their course of action. Second, by having primary sources, you solve the problems generally associated with secondary sources. Well, these are obvious like claims of reckless research, a problem that exists today. Or your critics claim you are inserting your personal thoughts about a situation instead of what the person involved thought about such an event. There are many other reasons why we researchers prefer primary sources, but listing them all would be such a horrible bore and take away from the continuity of this work.
Instead of primary sources from Mr. King and the research agents associated with MCRGES, this chapter will focus on secondary sources not generally involved with this experiment. These secondary sources may prove to be as entertaining as the primary sources.]
Article Written by David King for Unofficial Law School Newsletter
[Note from Editors: This article was printed in the law school’s unofficial law school newsletter, produced and written by law school students. The newsletter, called the Broken Law Journal, comes once every month during the school year, except when law school classes are not in session like January, May, June, July, and December. Well, those times and when major problem occurs like computers breaking down. This event occurred when the Editor-in-Chief, whose name will not be named, while drunk, hit his laptop with his hand, knocked it down onto the floor. The laptop was quickly fixed, but more problems occurred. The copying machine broke down and then the Editor-in-Chief got sick with the flu, and then more calamities befell the staff of the Broken Law Journal. The February issue was finally published in the middle of April along with the March issue.
The publication gained notoriety when it published a story. This story was about the personal lives of certain law school staff members, again, names will not be published in this book. If you would like to know, then you can find out by seeing past issues, available online.
This article was published in the November 2004 issue of the Broken Law Journal along with other articles, none of them were very interesting or funny. Apparently, Mr. King was a regular feature writer to the Broken Law Journal, only because he made the publication worth reading. It was a good publication, but his articles made the publication much more entertaining.]
Law school students discover after a few weeks in class, the course isn't remotely like the course description in the law school catalog. Law school catalogues are notorious for making any law school class, no matter how amazingly boring they are, seem like the most amazing and exciting class in the history of the world. They really aren’t that exciting. Some extremely perceptive students discover this in the first few minutes on the first day (You know who you are). First year students find out the hard way. With little knowledge of the workings of law school, they enter their classes with high expectations, and enter Winter Break (Christmas Break for those who aren’t fond of political correctness) wondering why any of these courses exists. The next semester, the process begins anew, but with much lower expectations. Which brings us to the following, course descriptions of 1L First Semester courses.
LAW 104 Civil Procedure I (3.0). Fall Semester. During the first semester of Civil Procedure, the course will cover all major phases of civil actions from discovery to post-trial motions. Jurisdiction matters are much too complex to be covered in the first semester of your first year of law school. Most of the semester will involve understanding the poorly written Federal Rules of Civil Procedure. This document vexes professional attorneys and is a living nightmare for law students. The FRCP is written in English, despite assertions they are not written in English. One could conclude the writers did not do well in Legal Writing I (see below). Both LAW 104 and LAW 105 are required. LEC
LAW 109 Contracts I (3.0). Fall Semester. During the first semester of Contracts, the course will cover the formation process, what are offer and acceptance, contracts without consideration, contract remedies, breach, statute of fraud, and illegal contracts. This will involve reading parts of the UCC and the Restatements on Contracts. The Restatement of Contracts is not binding, but is a supplement to case law. Interestingly enough, you will learn this all over again next semester, just with the UCC. It's not any better, as the UCC is vague. So much for objectiveness and simplifying the subject. Both LAW 109 and LAW 110 are required. LEC
LAW 120 Legal Writing I (3.0) Fall Semester. This is an introduction to the foundations of the legal system: research and writing legal memos. One learns about the importance of correct spelling, grammar, word choice, and citing. The smart lawyers hire secretaries and paralegals to do this work for them. It culminates with writing an open memo that probably will relate with nothing you will do in real life. Both LAW 120 and LAW 121 are required. Yes, there is another Legal Writing class. LEC
LAW 126 Property I (3.0) Fall Semester. This is an introduction to personal property and real property law. Despite learning a ton of complex rules and multiple-nested exceptions and exceptions to exceptions, it boils down to one rule: you own it or some other person owns it. If you remember anything at all, it will be the Rule Against Perpetuities. Everyone dreads it and hates it. One begins to wonder why anyone wants to bother with this stuff. Both LAW 126 and LAW 127 are required. Required course. LEC
LAW 131 Torts I (3.0) Fall Semester. You will learn about multiple intentional torts including, but not limited to battery, assault, and intentional infliction of emotional distress. The defenses to torts will be covered. Negligence will be covered, including standard of cause, defenses, and strict liability. You will learn many rules, exceptions, and exceptions to exceptions. Most are extremely old and not used anymore, but you will have to learn them. No matter what they teach you, the magic answer is reasonable amount of care. What this means depends on the tort. Good luck figuring this out. You might consider this course a severe and intentional infliction of severe emotional distress. Required course. LEC
TWO
Entry From Urban Underground Exploration Website
For the constant visitors of this website, you all know how much we enjoy exploring the tunnel systems that run underneath the city of [CITY NAME REMOVED]. River Runner, our avid tunnel explorer and rabid whitewater rafter, used to live in New York City. He spent many years running his way through the subway tunnels, the sewer tunnels, and every other tunnel in the Big Apple. Our multicultural and multilingual world explorer, our veritable Globetrotter, has seen tunnel systems in Europe, Asia, and Australia. While living in Germany (his father was a Sergeant in the US Army, so Globetrotter has been around the world), he and his family spent time in Paris. Globetrotter’s family, apparently, knew a nice couple in Paris (Army buddies, so it seems). While the people in Paris were off exploring Europe, Globetrotter’s family would take care of the apartment. Lucky guy.
While in Paris, Globetrotter would explore the infamous catacombs of Paris. He would diligently map the system, covering every inch (OK, to be metrically inclined, centimeter) of the vast underground system. And he would spend time exploring and mapping the nearby underground quarries for fun. Boy, does this guy like the underground world. When we discovered the Mega Maze [Note from Editors: This is the same tunnel system that David King writes about in his journal. At last estimate, there were close to a hundred people roaming through the tunnels, solely based upon admissions. This number does not count the unknown number that roam the tunnels, but do not admit this.], Globetrotter was the first to map out the place. He covered every inch of the place in great detail. He is an urban underground snob, as he has explored tunnels everywhere in the globe. So it is an honor when he says, “This place is much better than the Paris catacombs!” This is, of course, in terms of the varying architectural styles, building materials, and the sheer length and complexity. In terms of history, however, the Paris catacombs easily beat the Mega Maze. Hey, this is America and tunnel building didn’t rank so high in importance. Besides, Europe had at least four hundred years for a head start.
As the webmaster of this site, I digress quite a bit. Sorry about that. It’s part of my personality. So, what was the point of all of this excess verbiage about how we all love exploring underground tunnels, especially the ones in this city? Read on and you will find out.
So, last week, the Tunnel Force squad decided to go down into the tunnels. In particular, we wanted to explore the northern section of the Mega Maze located near the Cedar Hills North Industrial Area. There is no better place to explore the Mega Maze than by the Cedar River. You’ve got all of the elements that make tunnel exploration great. You’ve got crazy and possibly violent homeless people, dark and damp tunnels, lots of dirt, twisty passages, and multiple opportunities to do potentially criminal activities and not get caught. After all, despite this being considered trespassing, it really isn’t illegal unless you get caught by the police. (This is with many fake apologies to The F-Bomb, who is currently studying law, many hundreds if not thousands of miles away. He is becoming more and more aware of how illegal his past activities were and well, he tries to keep his legal mind turned off while listening to stories. “What the…you know you’re describing trespassing right now? And that was…let me see…breaking and entering!” We still love him, despite his new found acumen for the law.) We haven’t been caught by the police and we intend to keep our record that way. Doctor Bones, the medical school student in our group, has come with a diagnosis for our condition: copallergicus persistens, or the chronic allergy to law enforcement officers.
When we arrived at the Cedar River Bridge—the Concrete Stick Over the Little Muddy—we noticed some odd things. Well, not odd things, but bad signs. The normally open area around the bridge free of fences and other security measures was changed. A fence—a tall chain link fence—magically appeared after our last sojourn here. This was not a big problem. The fence guys didn’t secure it very well: no padlocks, but a plastic handcuff thingie. What the…fence without a padlock. Once we got past the fence, we discovered a new surprise. The door, once a cheap metal affair with an easily picked lock, was replaced with a much heavier metal door and a tougher lock to pick. And there was the nice surprises inside the structure.
There was a good thing made inside. No homeless people. I guess the tougher locks made it harder for the homeless to get in. Thank God for that. There’s nothing worse for the urban explorer than angry and cold homeless people inside the tunnels you are trying to explore during the middle of the night. You know, there is nothing wrong about the homeless, it’s a sad situation. But, they can be territorial and they can easily get dangerous. These loud encounters can lead to the police dropping by. Not a good thing, especially for people with our medical condition.
And the place was absolutely spotless. No wet concrete. No dust floating in the air. No dirt and mud. No unusual substances on the floor like urine, slime and sludge, and Lord knows what. Absolutely clean and smooth walls made out of a strange substance.
OK, this was getting weird. Then there was the odd feeling one got while inside the place. This feeling of “something is wrong here.” I was feeling the hair crawl on the back on my neck, despite the place being clean and well-lit. Strange man, strange.
One final thing. I have never seen so many alarms there. Motion sensors, heat sensors, sound detectors, everything. We decided to abort the mission ten seconds after getting inside the bridge. It was not a good night for exploration.
We took our exploration-seeking mode to a different part of the tunnels. One far away from the Cedar River Bridge. Which is a shame, since we love that place. But still, you’ve got to admit, given the new changes made, going there would not be very wise. That’s for real and that’s a fact.
Happy exploring, but stay away from Cedar River Bridge. Unless you want to get tossed into jail and that definitely is not a good thing.
COMMENTS
Name: F-Bomb
Website: [WEBSITE ADDRESS DELETED]
E-Mail Address: [E-MAIL ADDRESS DELETED]
As the legendary F-Bomb might say, Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo Yankee October Uniform. Hey, I’m still an urban explorer, though I try to keep the illegal activities to a minimum, like zero. I don’t want to get disbarred before I pass the bar. There’s a nice crew of underground explorers down here. I won’t say if I go with them…hint, hint. But seriously, this change in River Five Points is a sad and very strange development.
I’ll be in town soon. Tell me some stories over a beer at Shooters.
Name: Hannibal
Website: [WEBSITE ADDRESS DELETED]
E-Mail Address: [E-MAIL ADDRESS DELETED]
Welcome back F-Bomb. Nice to hear from you. You know that when we make fun of you, it is all in good, clean fun. I’ll see you at Shooters.
Name: Anonymous Worker
Website: [NONE LISTED]
E-Mail Address: [NONE LISTED]
I work for the city’s Public Works Department and I’ve heard about the tunnels underneath River Five Points. The people that work down in the tunnels have a whole lot of strange stories about that area. All of them are just as strange.
Like my friend who works fixing the water pipes that break during the year. He had to fix the water main that runs through the Cedar River Bridge. After fixing the water pipe, he decided that he would never—I mean never—go work near the Cedar River Bridge. He’s worked in the Public Works Department for nearly twenty years. Survived a whole lot of stuff like gas leaks, fires, near-collapses, everything. He goes to fix a water pipe and he freaks out. Something had to happen. I don’t know what happened, but he doesn’t say much about this. All he says is that he had this bad feeling, a feeling of fear and paranoia. He can’t say much more that that. Too bad it happened to him.
And another veteran of the Public Works Department. Worked there for fifteen years. He was rerouting electrical wire through the Cedar River Bridge for a local company. He gets this strange feeling while in River Five Points. Same feeling as the guy I mentioned earlier. Quits when he comes back to the Public Works Department. Absolutely crazy. Quits after rerouting wire. Never happened before.
We have another story, but a final story. I think that I want to end this now since three stories might be enough to give a good idea of how strange River Five Points has become. I used to work in an electronic security company. This company sells security devices like thermal detectors, motion sensors, and some other devices that others have not seen. The major clients for these devices are Fortune 500 companies and secure facilities like advanced research places. Some government stuff also. Serious stuff.
I was helping a local company near River Five Points. I was responsible for locating any hidden electrical wires and such. They were going to install some security devices. All legal, given that they got special permits from the city in a day, instead of the normal six-months. Don’t know how this company managed to do this. I won’t name the local company’s name, but you probably can find out yourself if you do some research at the county courthouse. Enough said.
This may sound crazy, but this local company had better stuff than my old place of employment. Better than the government. Their security devices were smooth, tiny metal things. As big and as thin as a credit card, maybe a little thicker. A spray of stuff on the back and they could attach it to any surface. Crazy things. An index finger swept over the front and the thing turns on.
And when they turned it on, it was freaky. I felt this weird feeling. Hair raising on the back of my neck. Sweaty palms. The works. I left soon after.
Never going to River Five Points again. Staying far away.
Name: MegaMole
Website: [NONE LISTED]
E-Mail: [E-MAIL ADDRESS DELETED]
Strange. Definitely strange. That’s all I can say about this.
THREE
Story from College Newspaper
February 10, 2005
“Alex in Tunnel Land: Exploring the University Steam Tunnels”
By: Alex Josephson
Twice an hour, students hear the loud and eardrum-rattling blast of the University Power Plant steam whistle, affectionately called “The Lecture Ender.” Classes at the University end at twenty-past the hour or ten-before the hour. The whistle surprises professors that tend to speak longer. After several years of listening to the whistle, many professors learn to end their lectures a minute early, knowing that students will pack their bags once they hear the whistle.
But what fuels the whistle? What produces the steam that powers the Pavlovian blast? How does the University manage to keep the classrooms warm during the notoriously frigid winter months? This is what my story is all about. The mechanisms that fuel the University: the steam tunnels.
Underneath your feet while you walk around campus are the University Steam Tunnels. This name is not totally accurate, as the steam tunnels carry just more than steam. In addition to steam pipes, the steam tunnels contain water pipes, electrical wire, gas pipes, fiber-optic cables, and other assorted wires and pipes that help run the university.
Maintenance crews use these tunnels to travel from building to building, gaining easy access when the roads don’t allow trucks and cars to pass. Sometimes, the repair work requires staying underground and not above the ground. It’s impossible to repair a break in the water pipe if the break occurs underneath the sidewalk without damaging the sidewalk. By using the steam tunnels, the repair work can be done without damaging anything above ground.
I asked the Power Plant people and the University for permission to explore the steam tunnels. After a week of negotiation, the University reluctantly gave permission. The administration and the maintenance crews talked about the numerous dangers down in the steam tunnels. There was dirty water that could be disease-carrying, the rusty metal, the scalding steam, the unknown number of chemicals, and so forth. After reading the list of dangers down there, one has to wonder why the maintenance crews go down the tunnels every day if they were so dangerous. One has to wonder why the University allows them to go down if they were unsafe. I pointed these questions and the University finally gave permission. I could go explore the tunnels as long as I followed a long list of regulations and I was with a power plant employee at all times. Most of them were safety oriented as to minimize potential injury.
So, on a chilly January night, I patiently waited outside the power plant doors. There was a foot of snow on the ground. I was wearing multiple layers of clothing to keep warm. I had a backpack filled with tools and other tunnel exploring essentials. Finally, the door opened and I was allowed inside the power plant. And I was in for a sudden change in temperature.
Inside, the power plant was sweltering. It was like being inside a sauna, but without the steam. I quickly took off my winter jacket. I also took off my sweater.
My tour guide was Vincent DiCarello, a five-year veteran who spent many late nights inside the steam tunnel. He was a big, burly man, heavily muscled. Vincent was barely sweating despite the intense heat.
“Welcome to the Power Plant. We’re going to being our tour soon, so you might as well get inside this spare uniform. Don’t want to get your clothes dirty. You can change over there.”
After putting on the spare uniform, we set off on a tour of the University steam tunnels.
While walking in the tunnel system, I noticed some grafitti on the walls. One particularly common scrawl said “The Tunnel Rats.” I asked Vincent about this and he mentioned that many people illegally come down here to explore the tunnels. “It’s pretty common and it happens all the time. When I was in college, I used to do that, before it became a frowned-upon activity.”
Really. I ask him some more questions. “Yeah, I did it while a student at the University of Minnesota. They had a massive tunnel system. I also did some exploration in the Minneapolis/Saint Paul city tunnels. That was a great tunnel system. All those twists and turns. Now I bust people exploring the steam tunnel system. It’s a dangerous place down here and I don’t want people to get hurt.”
“We’re now coming to the Bridge over Troubled Water. It’s a giant walkway underneath Starkman Library. You’ll get the reference once we get there.”
I notice the bridge. It’s a massive bridge made of steel over a massive gap. In the gap is greenish water. “What’s up with the gap?”
“I’m not sure about the gap. I’ve heard that the library was placed on a bad foundation and the builders had to rebuild it by removing the old concrete. Why they left the giant gap, I’m not sure. But it’s pretty cool to have a bridge down here.”
The rest of the tour is pretty interesting. We walk for a while and we end up underneath Vanachek Basketball Arena, home of the basketball team and a shrine for the rabid university basketball fans. We also walk underneath the football stadium. I can see the structures supporting the stadium and the underground watering system for the field itself.
When we arrive above ground two hours later, my feet are tired. My uniform is dirty, covered and caked with sweat and dirt and some other stuff I don’t know. I leave tired, but excited. The university steam tunnels are a dirty and dangerous system, but very exciting. It’s a giant maze that offers many surprises, but with a certain amount of risk. Would I recommend people to explore the steam tunnel system? No. The thrills don’t outweigh the potential consequences. But if you are thinking about it, don’t actually do it.
FOUR
Memo to MCRGES from Local Headquarters, Security Department, February 13, 2005 (Earth Time)
To: Head of MCRGES
From: Head of Security Department, Local Headquarters
The changes we have made to the security system have proven to be highly effective. Since we have installed the new security measures, we have reduced the amount of intrusions into LHQUT2, C4-Subgrid D3, Delta Point One from three every week to just one every month. The modified ThetaPlus Mind Manipulation Machine has proven to be extremely effective. Subjects who come within a fifty feet radius of the ThetaPlus Mind Manipulation Machine feel intense feeling of fear and paranoia, just the effect that we were hoping for. [Note from Editors: The ThetaPlus Mind Manipulation Machine is very effective for things of this nature.]
This, however, has come with a possibly negative effect. One that, if my guesses are correct, may prove to be a serious problem in the future. Given the extremely positive results—that is, the reduced security intrusions into Delta Point One—the Delta Point One area has received a reputation for being a scary and eerie place, one that people should avoid. This is a good thing if one is trying to portray an image of high-security. There is nothing wrong with that. The image Delta Point One is receiving, however, may prove to be negative. It has become so negative, that people are talking about the area on the Internet and at the city Public Works Department. [Note from Editors: The head of the Security Department for the Local Headquarters is very perceptive. He also seems to be a no-nonsense type of Itanimulli who does what needs to be done. Why he failed to recognize this problem occurring earlier is beyond our level of comprehension.] See the following excerpts for examples:
I suggest that the security measures be taken down a level. Of course, security is important, but at the expense of causing more problems later, security is a minor thing. I believe that the ThetaPlus Mind Manipulation Machines be set at a lower security level. Not intense paranoia, but a little less. I also suggest that we use some more standard security devices—i.e. Earth-level technology. We should keep the more powerful Itanimullian devices for the main headquarters.
By keeping the security at a more reasonable level, I think that this will be more of a positive than the current security situation. By using the lessened level of security, we can keep the local headquarters safe from intrusion while maintaining a good relationship with the Earth community. Having the humans discover our secrets would not be positive for us. [Note from Editors: These recommendations are very rational and well-thought out. He should be commended for quickly taking action and doing what is practical.]
FIVE
Memo to MCRGES from Local Headquarters, Security Department, February 19, 2005 (Earth Time)
To: Head of MCRGES
From: Head of Security Department, Local Headquarters
Commander Smerlon of MCRGES—
I know that you are extremely busy with your schedule, but this situation is quite urgent and it needs your expert answer that only you can provide. I need your answer now.
I sent my report to you a week ago. I need a response as soon as possible. The level of scrutiny on Earth is increasing much more rapidly than the computers predicted. Humans are a decidedly unpredictable lot unlike Itanimullians. There may be an investigation of the Delta Point One area and the unusual activities happening there. In addition, the City Council may investigate how our Earth shell company received such favorable treatment. This is not a laughing matter.
Memo to MCRGES from Local Headquarters, Security Department, February 27, 2005 (Earth Time)
To: Head of MCRGES
From: Head of Security Department, Local Headquarters
Commander Smerlon of MCRGES—
The situation on Earth has become extremely urgent. The City Council is leaning towards investigating our activities. This is not a laughing matter. Because I have not received any messages, let alone a response from you or your second-in-command, I have decided to take action by myself.
I have reduced the level of security to a more reasonable level. I have also taken action to modify the viewpoints of the City Council. This action was necessary. I believe that these actions will lead to a positive result and prevent the humans from meddling in our activities.
Memo to MCRGES from Local Headquarters, Security Department, March 15, 2005 (Earth Time)
To: Head of MCRGES
From: Head of Security Department, Local Headquarters
Commander Smerlon of MCRGES—
I am reporting some good news for once about the current situation on Earth. The actions I have taken have resulted in positive results.
One, the City Council, after some persuasion, decided not to investigate our activities. That is a good thing for us. They will not meddle with our activities.
Two, and more importantly, the excursions into River Five Points have stayed at low levels—once a month. The people who do infiltrate our security zone are homeless and therefore, not all that important, even to Earth standards. They have no information of value.
Memo to Local Headquarters, Security Department from MCRGES, March 19, 2005 (Earth Time)
To: Head of Security Department, Local Headquarters
From: Head of MCRGES
Sorry about the delay. Things are so busy around here that it is nearly impossible to respond quickly to any matters. [Note from Editors: We checked his records and apparently, during this time period, he was on vacation. So we guess that by “being busy,” he refers to “busy ignoring matters of actual importance.” Once you think about it, aliens are not so different from humans.] You have shown great initiative in doing important work and making great decisions. This is a quality I admire in subordinates. You might make for an excellent leader.
Good job. You get a raise for your excellent work. That is all.
CHAPTER EIGHT: SOMEBODY’S WATCHING ME
“Satellite headlines read
Someone’s secret you’ve seen
Eyes and ears have been
Satellite dish in my yard
Tell me more, tell me more
Who’s the king of your satellite castle?”
-Dave Matthews Band, “Satellite”
“The dearest things in the world are our neighbor’s eyes; they cost everybody more than anything else in housekeeping.”
-Sydney Smith
“People stare and we just ignore
What’s the use in hiding out
She says all the time
Let their eyes do the worrying about”
-Dave Matthews Band, “Recently”
ONE
Entry in David King’s Electronic Journal (Decrypted)
{ENTRY LOG}
[LAST LOGIN DATE: 11/01/04]
[LAST LOGIN TIME: 10:29:02AM]
[LAST LOGIN NAME: DKing]
[ENTRY TIME: 07:16:09AM]
[LOGIN NAME: DKing]
[ENTER PASSCODE: QdePo9#vm0PiC$LcBeqwsA6oUyWxh5HntY8u3DFjlb61PV#&y1DxQiUYVbn9mBvCeRu
5OO8kHcM49uRVyPL1%Kbm3IxVbwp]
[PASSWORD ACCEPTED]
[RUNNING E-JOURNAL]
[ENTER E-JOURNAL PASSCODE: cQ7LhG5%1DXv3Z0IkeM@9YpJdOi9#7fSZv6py!cb2Nr]
[PASSWORD ACCEPTED]
07:16:11 AM 03/19/05
You know, I haven’t been writing in this journal for a long time. Yes, it’s been a really long time. Using the word “really” isn’t the best word to use, as it is not that descriptive. Everyone, including the most famous writers to weekend-hacks with very little talent use the word “really” to describe anything that means “big” or “a lot” or anything they feel it should mean. Very vague. Yes, I am guilty of using “really” a lot while writing. Then again, writing antiseptically has never been my style. I like to use “really,” but not in heavy doses. So there.
I’ve checked my records and apparently, it’s been nearly four months since I last wrote in this journal. Personally, for me, since I am pretty regular in writing at least one sentence down every day, going four months without writing anything is as close to eternity as possible.
Why this lack of writing? I’ve been busy, pretty busy doing other things.
Yes, I am keeping aware of They, those who might be associated with them, and lurking and waiting. Yes, I am making sure I won’t get attacked from the rear or the front or the flanks. There is no way They are going to fool me or trick me. Not likely. I am going to win.
Law school is going fine. Actually, it’s going surprisingly well despite my lack of wanting to go there. The classes aren’t any different. They’re boring, pretty much non-redeeming in any manner. Sure, I have a disgustingly high GPA right now, but I’m not sure if it is due to what They are doing, or if it is due to my natural abilities. It is hard to come to any real conclusion given the lack of empirical evidence.
Law school is more tolerable since I might have a reason to go there. I’m seeing someone right now. I can’t say that I am dating this person, but one could consider it dating, I guess. Eva (actual name is Evangeline) is a friendly girl, attractive, smart, a sense of humor, lots of patience and tolerance. She is ideal for me. You have to be someone very special to deal with the strange quirks I have. Yes, it is part of the packaged deal. Most will say that the packaged deal is not worth the costs, and that it might be better if some of the quirks were removed. Well, you can’t change it. As my Contracts II professor might say, “This is a case of caveat emptor, or translated from Latin, buyer beware. Or, if you prefer, this is an as-is deal and what you get, is what you get.”
Man, it seems so funny when you think about it. Here I am, a not-so-average guy with a definitely not so average, shall I say it, girlfriend. And not so average means pretty damn hot when it comes to women. Me, on the other hand, it just means pretty damn weird.
I’m not really sure, also, how to describe how I feel right now about this relationship. One could say that Mozart, in his opera Le Nozze Di Figaro, Cherubino sings the following aria in Act I, Scene 6:
Non so piu cosa son, cosa faccio,
or di foco, ora sona di ghiaccio,
ogni donna cangiar di colore,
ogni donna mi fa palpitar.
Solo ai nomi d'amor, di diletto,
mi si turba, si s'altera il petto,
e a parlare mi sforza d'amore
un desio ch'io non posso spegiar.
When translated, Cherubino’s aria reads as such:
I don't know what I am, what I'm doing;
first I seem to be burning, then freezing;
every woman makes me change color,
every woman I see makes me shake.
Just the words "love" and "pleasure"
bring confusion; my breast swells in terror,
yet I am compelled to speak of love
by a force which I cannot explain.
It’s a nice feeling. But I sometimes wonder. You know, once you get the feeling that some shadowy force is using you in an experiment, you begin to wonder about everything. You wonder if the person you meet is who they claim to be. Even now, with something going well, I have to wonder if there is something wrong hidden underneath the good stuff.
With apologies to Massive Attack, their song “Angel” probably misunderstood:
You are my angel
Come from way above
To bring me love
Her eyes
She's on the dark side
Neutralize
Every man in sight
Love you, love you, love you, love you...
You are my angel
Come from way above
Love you, love you, love you, love you...
For all I know, she could be a part of Their scheme, one of Them…a They. By accepting her into my life, although her role is kind of limited, I could be bringing trouble into my life. I might be keeping my enemy closer, as the maxim states: “Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.” This could end up badly, with me like the narrator of this song by Claudio Montiverdi’s madrigal, A Un Giro Sol (At a Single Glance):
A un giro sol de'bell'occhi lucenti,
Ride l'aria d'intorno
E'l mar s'acqueta e i venti
E si fa il ciel d'un altro lume adorno;
Sol io le luci ho lagrimose e meste.
Certo quando nasceste,
Cosi crudel e ria,
Nacque la morte mia.
At a single turning glance from those bright eyes
the breeze laughs all about,
the sea becomes calm, then the wind dies away
and the sky becomes more radiant.
I alone am sad and weeping.
Doubtless on the day you were born,
so cruel and wicked,
my death was also born.
I hope not. I have to accept this possibility without fear. I can either hide and run or I can fully accept this and let the consequences come as they may. This should turn out to be an interesting experience. Let Them figure this one out. Ah, the possibilities are endless.
Why do I say this and possibly sound heartless or even manipulative in a secretive way? I know that They are watching. Their eyes are everywhere. It’s a given. How else are They going to do all the fancy tests and computer models without watching every step I do? They just can’t make up numbers and events and hope to get an accurate result? [Note from Editors: This statement would be true for most occasions, but aliens can be like humans. If the possibility or need arrives that “fudging figures” becomes necessary for some reasons, then aliens will do so. Another way that shows that aliens and humans are not so different after all.]
That’s all for now.
Memo to Technical Resources Department from Surveillance Department, March 20, 2005 (Earth Time)
To: Chief of Technical Resources Department
From: Chief of Surveillance Department
The Surveillance Department has a pressing need that the Technical Resources Department can solve, or at least, I believe, can solve.
Our surveillance crews, it seems, has problems keeping up with Mr. King, the test subject. Apparently, while following Mr. King on foot, Mr. King has the ability to lose his trails. We have tried various chemical and technical means, but we cannot keep up with him long enough to place these tracking devices on him. He is extremely skilled at evasion. [Note from Editors: When we first read this document, we were very puzzled by this. How can a civilization that is so obviously advanced technologically be so inept at simple, low-tech tracking methods? With all of their technological resources, they should be able to easily place tracking devices on Mr. King. They could have used other means. After some thought and some additional research, we were able to come up with a plausible explanation of some sort. By using such advanced means, it would seem likely that Mr. King, let alone anyone else, would recognize them as being different. He would have noticed something different about his clothing or his means of transportation. By using a low-tech means, one that they are not so accustomed to, they would blend in much better with the locals. Then again, this does not explain why Mr. King was so adept at noticing and evading his surveillance tails. Mr. King mentions how he knew he was followed, but it does not explain why the Itanilmulli, with all of their resources, could not evade detection. After all, one can easily find this information on the Internet. If any of the readers know how this could happen, please send us an explanation. We will gladly accept any explanations given. If we come across with any plausible theories, we will give credit in future editions of this book.]
When following him by car (so cumbersome when compared to the Itanimulli teleport machines), he is even more skilled. Our drivers on the surveillance team were impressed by his skills, as he managed to elude every team long enough to get away.
We at the Surveillance Department were wondering if there are any possible solutions that you can come up with.
Memo to Surveillance Department from Technical Resources Department, March 20, 2005 (Earth Time)
To: Chief of Surveillance Department
From: Chief of Technical Resources Department
We have received your memo and the Technical Resources Department has come up with a simple solution to your problem.
This answer is very simple, but it will require a considerable amount of funds. That is, the solution, although simple, will cost quite a bit of money. These are funds that will have to come directly from the head of MCRGES as an emergency fund.
The Tech Resources Department, as you may know, is sorely limited in funds, whereas the Surveillance Department, however, has near-unlimited funds in next year’s budget.
I think that we can come up with a mutually agreeable solution. We will give support for appropriating funds for sending surveillance agents to a driving school and for special projects of an unspecified nature that fits your goals like improved technology in the chase cars. An Earth car with Itanimulli technology would be nice, wouldn’t it? In exchange for this, you will give some of your budgeted funds to the Tech Resources Department. It would be such a shame for the Surveillance Department to look foolish in front of MCRGES. [Note from Editors: This is an excellent example of the quaint Earth custom of in-fighting office politics and using someone else’s problem for your gain.]
TWO
Entry in David King’s Electronic Journal (Decrypted)
{ENTRY LOG}
[LAST LOGIN DATE: 03/19/05]
[LAST LOGIN TIME: 07:16:11AM]
[LAST LOGIN NAME: DKing]
[ENTRY TIME: 02:58:32PM]
[LOGIN NAME: DKing]
[ENTER PASSCODE:
QdePo9#vm0PiC$LcBeqwsA6oUyWxh5HntY8u3DFjlb61PV#&y1DxQiUYVbn9m
BvCeRu5OO8kHcM49uRVyPL1%Kbm3IxVbwp]
[PASSWORD ACCEPTED]
[RUNNING E-JOURNAL]
[ENTER E-JOURNAL PASSCODE: cQ7LhG5%1DXv3Z0IkeM@9YpJdOi9#7fSZv6py!cb2Nr]
[PASSWORD ACCEPTED]
02:58:35 AM 04/09/05
I’ve had an interesting time this past couple weeks. There’s nothing like beating the surveillance crews that They have sent to follow me. The surveillance crews were better trained, but I still can whip them better than a Cordon Bleu-trained chef given a whisk and a copper bowl full of egg whites. I’m thinking they went to a qualified and professional driving school or they decided to go to one of the many schools you can find advertising on the Internet. Some of them are bad and some, amazingly, are good. Personally, I would go to a school with history.
I’m not sure why they still stink at surveillance. I have no personal experience like secret agents or police officers or anyone else with training. I just used common sense and I also read a few dozen books and articles on what to do and what not to do. And I put a lot of what I read into my personal life. I tried out what I learned and saw what worked and what did not work. Double-backs and U-turns are good. Weaving in and out of traffic is good. Ducking and covering into busy stores is good. Having several changes of clothing is good. There are a lot of simple techniques that, when well used, can make life hell for surveillance people. And boy, did They get a lesson.
The first time, I was driving to the Maple Park Shopping Center. One of the bookstores there, T.D. Coulton, was selling a book about samurai history that I wanted. In addition, they also had a book about military weaponry. One of the topics that I am fascinated by is the Japanese samurai. Another topic I have some interest about is military weaponry and how it has evolved over the years.
I noticed that while driving east on Mission Street, going past the local Super Walmart (with another monstrosity coming along the way assuming the city council allows it), that two cars were tailing me. I should know since I had read about this topic earlier. Besides, I could tell since the two cars always made the same moves that I made. Time to shake them off like a hound shaking off ticks.
The first car was the easiest to shake off. I approached the intersection of Mission Street and 29th Street. The light was yellow and about to turn red. I slowed my car down (an unassuming Honda but with a more powerful engine than normal) almost to a stop and then I gunned it across the intersection. They could only wait and watch me go down 29th Street.
Somehow, the first car managed to track me down somehow. These people were good. Much better than they normally were. I guess that my first evasive move was not enough. So I decided to pull off some more fancy stuff. Despite being well-trained, they made an amateur mistake. You know what, you should never look obvious while following someone. Time to go fancy. Something fun.
Ah…look at this. Just one or two streets up, the only place in the city where you can make a legal U-turn into the other direction. And my timing was perfect. Just at that moment, it seemed like every single car in the city was traveling down 29th Street. I racked my brain for an explanation and I realized that there was a basketball game and it just ended five minutes ago. Perfect. There are times when gridlock is a good thing. I approached the U-turn zone and waited. The wave of traffic coming down the westbound lane of 29th Street was coming at a steady pace. There was at least a quarter-mile of cars. Angry drivers honking horns, trying to get past the gridlock. Perfect. Just perfect.
There was a long line of cars coming. Just one or two more seconds until this move would work. I could see the face of the first driver coming my direction. I pretended to wait. Then I slammed my foot on the accelerator and turned the steering wheel. Remember, if you pull someone by the hair, the rest of the body will follow.
You’ve got to love a plan that works so well. I was riding the crest of traffic going west. A long line of cars going west. The trackers couldn’t go follow me for a while. The trackers couldn’t reverse or go forward without problems. Doom on you, trackers.
The second incident, and one that I pride myself on, was the foot surveillance team. Again, there are times when a mass of humanity can be a good thing. Crowded places are a great place to lose people following you.
If you are being followed, it is a good thing to wear layers. If that is not possible, it is always a good idea to have a change of clothing or to be near a clothes store. That way, if you need to change your clothing, you can easily change them. If you do decide to change your clothing, make sure you change your shoes as well. Or at least have a hat. The shoes can make or break a surveillance team. Israeli Mossad agents got recognized since they wore suits with tennis shoes. Instantly spotted.
I was waiting outside the Maple Park Shopping Center and I notice the surveillance. Guess what? The team was wearing suits, perfectly normal, but the shoes were tennis shoes. Not just any tennis shoes, but Nike running shoes. Someone wants to do some chasing, aren’t they? Doom on them. They just aren’t going to get me. Oh no, not this day.
I’ve got a good amount of cover since the Maple Park Shopping Center is doing their semi-annual clearance sale, commonly called “Super Spring Cleaning.” It is, quite literally, a massive, seething swarm of humanity. I make it past the surveillance team. Thank you, consumer horde.
I decide to head towards a men’s clothing store. I need to buy a change of clothing any ways. I’ve got to look nice for the girlfriend. I buy a new pair of pants, a new T-shirt, a pair of sunglasses, and a hat. I stop by a sports equipment store and I buy a pair of running shoes and a windbreaker jacket. Perfectly bland looking clothing. I fit in with everyone else.
This time, the damn surveillance crew is finally in there. I am wearing a collared button-up shirt, a pair of black slacks, and a pair of brown Oxford shoes. Now I have a pair of blue jeans, a forest green polo shirt, a pair of sunglasses, and a Chicago White Sox baseball cap. Plus a jacket and new shoes to throw them off even more.
I notice that the surveillance crew has spotted me. Now it is time to use the crowds against them. It’s shoulder to shoulder crowds. There is no way they can get to me without pissing a few people off. I know what they look like. I can evade them. I know that they are going to mess up sooner or later. I make it to a bathroom and I make a quick change. There is nothing like nearby bathrooms to make changes. Now I look like a different person. I can make my way around here without them noticing me too much.
I make my way around the mall, going left and right, making sure there is a large crowd separating me from the team. It’s kind of hard to blend in if you are the only people who are wearing suits. Guess what? I get past them easily. They don’t have a damn team searching the outside of the shopping center so I walk to my car and drive off. They lose. Doom on Them.
This is too easy. This is too easy, way too easy. I’m not sure what is up with Them, but They sure are bad. I think I could beat Them again. Come on, whoever you are. I’m going to beat you. This might be a show of hubris, but I don’t care since I have nothing to lose.
That’s all for now.
THREE
Excerpts from Transcript of Local Headquarters Meeting, April 10, 2005 (Earth Time)
Local Headquarters Chief (LHC): This meeting is now starting. Please sit down and please, let’s be calm this time unlike the last meeting we had. Remember, we are all here for one purpose, and that is to make sure that this experiment works correctly until the end.
Technological Resources Department (TRD): Ah yes, the experiment…yes, the experiment. The experiment that seems to be going down further and further down the path to failure. We can’t even keep track of a human who has no training with escape and evasion. A human who seemingly can make perfectly executed evasion techniques. A person who can get through a surveillance screen that is meant to be invisible and not noticed. And yet, we can’t do anything against him. Are we even sure that he is just an ordinary human? Given his talents, he is quite extraordinary.
LHC: Yes, given the description of Mr. King, he is not an ordinary human. But aren’t you the one who supported the training of the Surveillance Department members.
[Note from Editors: The Local Headquarters Chief has the not-so-enviable position of keeping a group of egos who think that the other large-egos involved are total and absolute fools who don’t deserve to be given any kind of power. In addition to being megalomaniacs, the department heads are a bunch of whining, complaining people who really don’t care about anything but themselves. They would stab each other (well, at least proverbially) in the back. Well, with their level of technology, the department heads would use a phased high-power laser gun to shoot each other in the back. Maybe they would stab each other in the back with an Itanimullian charged energy blade. One can understand why the Local Headquarters Chief resorts to passive-aggressive measures to show his displeasure. If he can cut them down to shut them up, this is a good thing in his opinion. Personally, in our honest opinion, one that we rarely give, we would feel the same way. In addition, we would rather do something else than be passive-aggressive.]
TRD: Yes, I did. But I thought the training would be useful. The head of the Surveillance Department thought this would be useful also. Apparently, this extra training from the best in the world was not good enough. Or the surveillance agents did not learn anything. Or something else worse, as in the agents were incompetent. I’ll let the Surveillance Department Chief explain the failure of HIS agents.
[Note from Editors: This is another example of political in-fighting between various departments in the MCRGES Local Headquarters. The Technological Resources Department has a problem with the Surveillance Department over funding levels and importance. Remember, the more useful department will get the highest amount of funds, as well as more power. Despite making some kind of deal with the Surveillance Department (described earlier in this chapter), the Technological Resources Department is making a few jabs at the expense of the Surveillance Department.]
Surveillance Department (SD): The agents under my control ARE competent. And they received the best training and they did learn something of value. Mr. King, however, was much more resourceful than we estimated.
[Note from Editors: This is another attempt at the Technological Resources Department getting a few more jabs at the Surveillance Department.]
*****
PAGE 7
LHC: We’ve heard your rather lengthy explanation of the training your agents received. And we have heard from the agents on what happened. Could you please explain what went wrong?
TRD: That would be a good thing. I’m sure this would be interesting.
Chief Technical Officer, Data Analysis Group (CTODAG): I would like to know what happened as well. This will help in doing data analysis.
[Note from Editors: If you recall earlier in this work, the former Chief Technical Officer, Data Analysis Group was removed from his position. The current CTODAG has some issues with the entire operation and is going to make some waves if possible. Anything to make life hell for everyone.]
SD: We received reports from you and oddly enough, none of these traits were ever mentioned…
[Note from Editor: Another example of sniping by the members.]
CTODAG: Of course, it would have been impossible to predict this without any information from your department. Considering how badly you seem to gather it, we can’t run our programs. I think you failed to mention anything about his reading habits or anything else. That’s a failure on your part.
SD: Yes, that is so. I think this failure is due to a lot of factors.
[Note from Editors: The Itanimulli sure do hate each other a lot. Then again, this is like any other human in a meeting that they would not want to be in. They would fit in very well anywhere in Earth given their behavior, especially in any corporate building. We, as editors of this book, wonder what an uncivil meeting would be like, assuming this is a civil meeting.]
TRD: Are you trying to imply something? That this department is to blame?
LHC: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Let’s be calm and rational. There is a lot of blame to be passed around for this failure. Everyone shares some blame for this failure. We should, however, focus on what went wrong. Please continue.
PAGE EIGHT
SD: There were many factors that were to blame. I think the first problem we had was underestimating Mr. King’s skills in driving. For a person who does not have any training in advanced driving, if you listened to the description of how well he drove, you would see he has a high level of skill. He played the minds of the surveillance teams. He pretended to be a careful driver, but at the red light, he pressed his accelerator and sped at the last second.
The surveillance team somehow managed to catch up with Mr. King. But this is two miles down the road. His analytical skills are to be commended. Mr. King recognized that he was approaching the only place where he could make a legal U-turn, a driving move that is generally illegal. What makes his use of the U-turn so skilled, is that he timed it perfectly. At the moment he made it, there was a long line of cars behind him and a long line of cars coming towards him. When Mr. King made his U-turn, Mr. King made a very fast U-turn into the opposite lane. Our surveillance team could not make a similar move as the line of cars was at least a quarter-mile long. They could not drive forward because of the traffic light and the backup at the next light. They could not reverse due to the cars behind them. He used a gridlock to his best advantage and made the most of the opportunity.
PAGE NINE
LHC: You stated that Mr. King had NO training?
SD: Yes, I did.
LHC: And he managed to pull this maneuver off perfectly as you stated?
SD: Yes.
LHC: Maybe you should have asked Mr. King to train your surveillance team. It would have solved the surveillance problem and it would have solved any problems in data analysis.
[Note from Editors: This is a great use of sarcasm in our opinion. He might have made for a great stand-up comic if he decided to go this path. We might be wrong in thinking that passive-aggressive is the wrong path to use when dealing with a bunch of egomaniacal megalomaniacs.]
(Laughter from the entire group.)
LHC: Ah, please continue with your explanation.
SD: The adventure at the Maple Park Shopping Center was a comedy of errors.
LHC: Shakespeare, I presume. An interesting choice of words.
SD: Correct. It seemed like an apt description.
LHC: Please continue.
SD: We managed to follow Mr. King to the Maple Park Shopping Center. This was an accomplishment for our surveillance team because this was the first time we managed to follow him to any destination.
PAGE TEN
CTODAG: Well, isn’t that an accomplishment. You finally managed to successfully follow a human to a shopping center. And on your…now, what was it…your hundredth try? Two hundred?
[Note from Editors: This is the Chief Technological Officer, Data Analysis Group being a total jerk. We like this personally. Another funny Itanimulli.]
SD: Very funny. Very funny. The shopping center fiasco was badly planned. I didn’t expect Mr. King to use the crowd so efficiently for his purposes. The large number of people made keeping track of Mr. King very hard. All the people blocked most, if not all lines of sight of the surveillance target. He could disappear within the crowd and reappear at the destination he wanted.
How he managed to elude further surveillance is beyond our understanding. It is possible, while hiding in the crowd, decided to go to a few stores to buy several items of clothing. It is also possible, while hiding in the crowd, he decided to use the crowd to make it to an exit. We do not know what happened in the Maple Park Shopping Center. All we know is that Mr. King managed to elude our surveillance.
The surveillance team made a serious mistake, one that allowed Mr. King to drive off without any surveillance on him. The head of the surveillance team had six men under his control. All six kept in a group instead of splitting up. They stayed in a general area. Ideally, three members should have stayed outdoors near the exits, keeping an eye on the parking lot. The other three should have stayed inside the shopping center. An elementary part of surveillance, but one that all of them made. This should have never happened.
PAGE ELEVEN
CTODAG: By any chance, do you know what the surveillance team was wearing on that day?
SD: What does this have to do with anything?
CTODAG: I think it has lots to do with everything. Please answer my question.
SD: They were wearing suits.
CTODAG: Their shoes? What kind of shoes were they wearing?
SD: They were wearing…oh dear. That was their mistake! I told them not to wear those shoes while wearing a suit!
LHC: What are you talking about?
CTODAG: Let me explain. I believe that the Surveillance Department head is referring to shoes. The surveillance team was wearing a formal suit with tennis shoes. That is how Mr. King knew the six men were surveillance team members.
SD: That’s correct.
TRD: What are we going to do about Mr. King. If I am correct with my suspicions, and Mr. King is as clever as he has shown, he will discover any future surveillance measures we do.
PAGE TWELVE
SD: I think we might have to activate AOI-101PERS to full status. Raise AOI-101PERS from probationary statues.
TRD: I concur.
CTODAG: As much as I disagree with the Surveillance Department and the Technological Resources Department, I must agree with them in this matter.
LHC: This is the first time we all agree on something. All in favor of activating AOI-101PERS to full active status?
(ALL HANDS RAISE IN FAVOR)
LHC: Any against this measure?
(NO VOTES FOR NAY)
LHC: Then we shall give AOI-101PERS full active status. Hopefully, this will solve some of our current problems. This meeting is adjourned and over.
FOUR
Entry in David King’s Electronic Journal (Decrypted)
{ENTRY LOG}
[LAST LOGIN DATE: 04/09/05]
[LAST LOGIN TIME: 02:58:35PM]
[LAST LOGIN NAME: DKing]
[ENTRY TIME: 00:01:47AM]
[LOGIN NAME: DKing]
[ENTER PASSCODE: QdePo9#vm0PiC$LcBeqwsA6oUyWxh5HntY8u3DFjlb61PV#&y1DxQiUYVbn9mBvCe
Ru5OO8kHcM49uRVyPL1%Kbm3IxVbwp]
[PASSWORD ACCEPTED]
[RUNNING E-JOURNAL]
[ENTER E-JOURNAL PASSCODE: cQ7LhG5%1DXv3Z0IkeM@9YpJdOi9#7fSZv6py!cb2Nr]
[PASSWORD ACCEPTED]
02:01:49 AM 04/16/05
I’m writing in the electronic journal right now and it is pretty late right now. It looks like it is some time past midnight. Oh, it is 2:00 AM. So I guess it is early in the morning and not late at night. I try not to stay awake this late, as I am not much of a night person. Nope, I’m not at all a night person. It messes with my well-regulated circadian cycle immensely and my circadian cycle is established almost to the second. Well, this was a different and special occasion since I was out with Evangeline earlier this day. I guess that a special occasion calls for certain hard-fast rules being changed when the time calls for it. It’s not that I am going to go out with her every single day and make this a consistent, let alone regular habit. I think that would be something very hard to do. That would require making a whole lot of changes that I can’t make all in one day, let alone one lifetime.
This might seem pretty dumb, but I wonder why I never noticed Evangeline before. This is probably the wrong time to wonder this thing. I probably should have written about this earlier, as this would have made much more sense. But since I’m writing this journal, I can write whatever I want when I want to write it. So there. And back to the point of this journal.
About Evangeline (She prefers to be called Evangeline instead of Eva. Personally, I like Evangeline as it sounds different. Eva sounds a little…well…plain in my opinion. Sure, it’s a little bit longer to say, but hey, I like it. I like it a lot. Besides, it’s her name so she can call herself what she wants to). I’ve known her since college, as we both attended the same university. We both took some of the same classes. Hell, we both camped out for basketball and football games in the same camping group. It’s not that hard to notice a mighty attractive girl with a sultry voice. You have to be pretty deaf, dumb, and blind not to notice her. I mean, really deaf, dumb, and blind not to notice her. And it took me until law school—note as I mention this again, I noticed her during law school—to notice her, let alone ask Evangeline out. Given my superlatively excellent record with asking her out, let alone noticing her, I am one of those special people. I guess there was something in my head that prevented me from doing this earlier. I should have jumped at the opportunity when I had it.
When we talk about this topic, which pops up from time to time, she even wonders why I didn’t ask her out before. Evangeline is an open-minded person. More open-minded that I give her credit for. Then again, I am coming from a different plane and a different train of thought. I have no decent answer for this question. I gave her the usual song and dance: “Look at me and look at you. Enough said.” Evangeline dismissed this as pure bunk in a nanosecond. I didn’t have to open my mouth a fraction of an inch and she shot me down. The look she gave was enough to tell me that she probably had heard this before or she knew I was going to give this answer. Did I mention she was a pro when it comes to non-verbal communication? And she is perfectly right with this assessment of the situation. I can be a total nitwit sometimes. I’m learning the hard way.
We decided to go to a concert at the Rhythm and Groove, one of the better music performance venues in this city. You really can’t call it a concert hall, as this place isn’t one of the real large stadiums or even one of the concert halls with plush seats and hard backs. You really can’t call it one of those hole-in-the-wall clubs that are grimy, with spilt beer on the floor and dirty bathrooms. I’ve been to the fancy and expensive concert halls and I’ve been to the grimy, dirty hole-in-the-wall clubs. This place is a whole lot cleaner than those places. I guess that the only term that can describe the place is “music performance venue.” I’m sure there is a better term to describe Rhythm and Groove.
So Evangeline’s friend, T.J. Diamond, is the lead singer/lead guitarist for a local band called Super Ultra Sayonara Banzai (SUSB). Yes, it is an unusually weird name but T.J and his band mates all have a love for Japanese culture like manga, Godzilla, samurai, and badly dubbed films. So while plastered on cheap beer and thinking of a name for their band, they decided that the name had to be amazingly ridiculous and distinctly Japanese sounding. Given their obvious leanings toward Japan culture, and their love of watching badly dubbed Japanese movies (the ones where people talk but their lips aren’t moving or their lips move and the people say nothing), they came up with this crazy name. It sounded like one of those sadistic Japanese game shows where the hosts put contestants through their paces by having them run through walls, getting paddled, and God knows what. The local music scene hipsters loved it and the rest is history. Despite their name, they are serious musicians and they are very good. [Note from Editors: Mr. King seems to have a knack for meeting unusual people. And he has a knack for becoming friends with them also. Not that this is a bad quality.]
Yeah. So me and Evangeline are listening to SUSB. The band has eclectic, wide-ranging and possibly esoteric music tastes. They did everything from Japan-Pop songs, hair band and heavy metal band covers from the 1980’s, a little from Aerosmith and Led Zeppelin, and some indie rock. SUSB pretty much covers every genre of music. Well, not every genre, but they come close to covering every single genre. Boy, was it an amusing and entertaining show. Loud. Very loud. Imagine an armada of jumbo jets taking off all at the same time with a tank division firing their guns. Toss in a building implosion for good measure. [Note from Editors: This is an obvious hyperbole and analogy combined into one. Obviously, they cannot be this loud, but we have read a description of the concert, and the music reviewer measured the decibels. It was close to 140dB, well within the range of a jumbo jet taking off.] That was how loud they played. I think that my eardrums are still rattling from the experience. They also had cheap booze flowing from the taps. A perfect Friday night concert.
At the end of the show (They did an encore by performing a rousing rendition of “Layla” by Eric Clapton, complete with the pyrotechnic guitar solo and an atmospheric version of “Dream On” by Aerosmith. They are two different songs on many levels, so a band that can do them with equal aplomb is a rare thing), I was introduced to the band. Very nice guys. You would never expect them to be the rockers by their breadth of knowledge. I really haven’t met such intelligent people in a while. Law school, I think, does not require much intelligence, per se. It’s more of a “regurgitate information” type of deal right now. They are very people friendly also. The band and me had a long discussion over various topics for an hour or so. I think that we had a good rapport. Great people.
By this time, it was getting to be some time near 1:30 AM. Evangeline was getting tired and the band wanted to go home to decompress. So it was time to say goodbye to everyone.
I dropped Evangeline off at her apartment and walked her to the door. I really don’t have much experience in this kind of thing, so I tried to play it cool. Didn’t come off that way.
I said, “I had a great time with you…um…yeah.”
She replied with a lot more confidence, “Me too. I had a great time also.” How she manages to stay so confident is beyond my understanding. Oh and how she manages to say everything in a sexy manner is beyond my understanding also. I guess that’s why I like her so much. And that is why all the males at the law school like her so much. Damn, aren’t I a lucky guy right now?
Awkward silence.
“Well, we’re at your doorstep. Um…yeah…good night.”
“You know,” she says with her hands on her hips, “it’s not a good night unless you kiss me. A silly hug or handshake will not do.”
Given this, I think that it would not be proper to leave without giving her a kiss.
“Much better. And that was a definite good night. See you on Monday?”
This is an interesting situation that has gotten better, possibly more awkward. OK, more awkward right now. I stutter. “Hopefully sooner.”
Evangeline laughs. “I’ll think about it. After I get some sleep. Good night to you.” She gave me a kiss on the cheek.
I turned around, walked down the steps, and walked away.
Damn, today was a good day.
Time to go to sleep. But I really can’t right now. Way too excited right now. Must go to sleep. Must go to sleep.
"Fotune rota volvitur; descendo minoratus; alter in altum tollitur." (The wheel of Fortune turns; I go down, demeaned; another is raised up.)
-Carmina Burana, "Fortune Plango Vulnera"
"Sors immanis et inanis, rota tu volubilis, status malus, vana salus semper dissolubilis." (Fate--monstrous and empty, you whirling wheel, you are malevolent, well being is vain and always fades to nothing.)
-Carmina Burana, "Fortuna Imperatrix Mundi"
“Fortune is like the market, where many times, if you can stay a little, the price will fall.”
-Francis Bacon
ONE
[Note from Editors: This chapter is very incomplete as there is a dreadful, at least in our opinion, (as researchers, we like primary sources as it resolves so many problems) lack of primary sources from Mr. King as well as MCRGES. We, as researchers as well as historians, prefer primary sources from the main characters involved in the events being described in writing. First, and most obviously, these are the words coming straight from the people involved. You can’t get a better source than the people involved. With such primary sources, one gets the full scope of the story. The personal details and decisions that influenced their course of action. Second, by having primary sources, you solve the problems generally associated with secondary sources. Well, these are obvious like claims of reckless research, a problem that exists today. Or your critics claim you are inserting your personal thoughts about a situation instead of what the person involved thought about such an event. There are many other reasons why we researchers prefer primary sources, but listing them all would be such a horrible bore and take away from the continuity of this work.
Instead of primary sources from Mr. King and the research agents associated with MCRGES, this chapter will focus on secondary sources not generally involved with this experiment. These secondary sources may prove to be as entertaining as the primary sources.]
Article Written by David King for Unofficial Law School Newsletter
[Note from Editors: This article was printed in the law school’s unofficial law school newsletter, produced and written by law school students. The newsletter, called the Broken Law Journal, comes once every month during the school year, except when law school classes are not in session like January, May, June, July, and December. Well, those times and when major problem occurs like computers breaking down. This event occurred when the Editor-in-Chief, whose name will not be named, while drunk, hit his laptop with his hand, knocked it down onto the floor. The laptop was quickly fixed, but more problems occurred. The copying machine broke down and then the Editor-in-Chief got sick with the flu, and then more calamities befell the staff of the Broken Law Journal. The February issue was finally published in the middle of April along with the March issue.
The publication gained notoriety when it published a story. This story was about the personal lives of certain law school staff members, again, names will not be published in this book. If you would like to know, then you can find out by seeing past issues, available online.
This article was published in the November 2004 issue of the Broken Law Journal along with other articles, none of them were very interesting or funny. Apparently, Mr. King was a regular feature writer to the Broken Law Journal, only because he made the publication worth reading. It was a good publication, but his articles made the publication much more entertaining.]
Law school students discover after a few weeks in class, the course isn't remotely like the course description in the law school catalog. Law school catalogues are notorious for making any law school class, no matter how amazingly boring they are, seem like the most amazing and exciting class in the history of the world. They really aren’t that exciting. Some extremely perceptive students discover this in the first few minutes on the first day (You know who you are). First year students find out the hard way. With little knowledge of the workings of law school, they enter their classes with high expectations, and enter Winter Break (Christmas Break for those who aren’t fond of political correctness) wondering why any of these courses exists. The next semester, the process begins anew, but with much lower expectations. Which brings us to the following, course descriptions of 1L First Semester courses.
LAW 104 Civil Procedure I (3.0). Fall Semester. During the first semester of Civil Procedure, the course will cover all major phases of civil actions from discovery to post-trial motions. Jurisdiction matters are much too complex to be covered in the first semester of your first year of law school. Most of the semester will involve understanding the poorly written Federal Rules of Civil Procedure. This document vexes professional attorneys and is a living nightmare for law students. The FRCP is written in English, despite assertions they are not written in English. One could conclude the writers did not do well in Legal Writing I (see below). Both LAW 104 and LAW 105 are required. LEC
LAW 109 Contracts I (3.0). Fall Semester. During the first semester of Contracts, the course will cover the formation process, what are offer and acceptance, contracts without consideration, contract remedies, breach, statute of fraud, and illegal contracts. This will involve reading parts of the UCC and the Restatements on Contracts. The Restatement of Contracts is not binding, but is a supplement to case law. Interestingly enough, you will learn this all over again next semester, just with the UCC. It's not any better, as the UCC is vague. So much for objectiveness and simplifying the subject. Both LAW 109 and LAW 110 are required. LEC
LAW 120 Legal Writing I (3.0) Fall Semester. This is an introduction to the foundations of the legal system: research and writing legal memos. One learns about the importance of correct spelling, grammar, word choice, and citing. The smart lawyers hire secretaries and paralegals to do this work for them. It culminates with writing an open memo that probably will relate with nothing you will do in real life. Both LAW 120 and LAW 121 are required. Yes, there is another Legal Writing class. LEC
LAW 126 Property I (3.0) Fall Semester. This is an introduction to personal property and real property law. Despite learning a ton of complex rules and multiple-nested exceptions and exceptions to exceptions, it boils down to one rule: you own it or some other person owns it. If you remember anything at all, it will be the Rule Against Perpetuities. Everyone dreads it and hates it. One begins to wonder why anyone wants to bother with this stuff. Both LAW 126 and LAW 127 are required. Required course. LEC
LAW 131 Torts I (3.0) Fall Semester. You will learn about multiple intentional torts including, but not limited to battery, assault, and intentional infliction of emotional distress. The defenses to torts will be covered. Negligence will be covered, including standard of cause, defenses, and strict liability. You will learn many rules, exceptions, and exceptions to exceptions. Most are extremely old and not used anymore, but you will have to learn them. No matter what they teach you, the magic answer is reasonable amount of care. What this means depends on the tort. Good luck figuring this out. You might consider this course a severe and intentional infliction of severe emotional distress. Required course. LEC
TWO
Entry From Urban Underground Exploration Website
For the constant visitors of this website, you all know how much we enjoy exploring the tunnel systems that run underneath the city of [CITY NAME REMOVED]. River Runner, our avid tunnel explorer and rabid whitewater rafter, used to live in New York City. He spent many years running his way through the subway tunnels, the sewer tunnels, and every other tunnel in the Big Apple. Our multicultural and multilingual world explorer, our veritable Globetrotter, has seen tunnel systems in Europe, Asia, and Australia. While living in Germany (his father was a Sergeant in the US Army, so Globetrotter has been around the world), he and his family spent time in Paris. Globetrotter’s family, apparently, knew a nice couple in Paris (Army buddies, so it seems). While the people in Paris were off exploring Europe, Globetrotter’s family would take care of the apartment. Lucky guy.
While in Paris, Globetrotter would explore the infamous catacombs of Paris. He would diligently map the system, covering every inch (OK, to be metrically inclined, centimeter) of the vast underground system. And he would spend time exploring and mapping the nearby underground quarries for fun. Boy, does this guy like the underground world. When we discovered the Mega Maze [Note from Editors: This is the same tunnel system that David King writes about in his journal. At last estimate, there were close to a hundred people roaming through the tunnels, solely based upon admissions. This number does not count the unknown number that roam the tunnels, but do not admit this.], Globetrotter was the first to map out the place. He covered every inch of the place in great detail. He is an urban underground snob, as he has explored tunnels everywhere in the globe. So it is an honor when he says, “This place is much better than the Paris catacombs!” This is, of course, in terms of the varying architectural styles, building materials, and the sheer length and complexity. In terms of history, however, the Paris catacombs easily beat the Mega Maze. Hey, this is America and tunnel building didn’t rank so high in importance. Besides, Europe had at least four hundred years for a head start.
As the webmaster of this site, I digress quite a bit. Sorry about that. It’s part of my personality. So, what was the point of all of this excess verbiage about how we all love exploring underground tunnels, especially the ones in this city? Read on and you will find out.
So, last week, the Tunnel Force squad decided to go down into the tunnels. In particular, we wanted to explore the northern section of the Mega Maze located near the Cedar Hills North Industrial Area. There is no better place to explore the Mega Maze than by the Cedar River. You’ve got all of the elements that make tunnel exploration great. You’ve got crazy and possibly violent homeless people, dark and damp tunnels, lots of dirt, twisty passages, and multiple opportunities to do potentially criminal activities and not get caught. After all, despite this being considered trespassing, it really isn’t illegal unless you get caught by the police. (This is with many fake apologies to The F-Bomb, who is currently studying law, many hundreds if not thousands of miles away. He is becoming more and more aware of how illegal his past activities were and well, he tries to keep his legal mind turned off while listening to stories. “What the…you know you’re describing trespassing right now? And that was…let me see…breaking and entering!” We still love him, despite his new found acumen for the law.) We haven’t been caught by the police and we intend to keep our record that way. Doctor Bones, the medical school student in our group, has come with a diagnosis for our condition: copallergicus persistens, or the chronic allergy to law enforcement officers.
When we arrived at the Cedar River Bridge—the Concrete Stick Over the Little Muddy—we noticed some odd things. Well, not odd things, but bad signs. The normally open area around the bridge free of fences and other security measures was changed. A fence—a tall chain link fence—magically appeared after our last sojourn here. This was not a big problem. The fence guys didn’t secure it very well: no padlocks, but a plastic handcuff thingie. What the…fence without a padlock. Once we got past the fence, we discovered a new surprise. The door, once a cheap metal affair with an easily picked lock, was replaced with a much heavier metal door and a tougher lock to pick. And there was the nice surprises inside the structure.
There was a good thing made inside. No homeless people. I guess the tougher locks made it harder for the homeless to get in. Thank God for that. There’s nothing worse for the urban explorer than angry and cold homeless people inside the tunnels you are trying to explore during the middle of the night. You know, there is nothing wrong about the homeless, it’s a sad situation. But, they can be territorial and they can easily get dangerous. These loud encounters can lead to the police dropping by. Not a good thing, especially for people with our medical condition.
And the place was absolutely spotless. No wet concrete. No dust floating in the air. No dirt and mud. No unusual substances on the floor like urine, slime and sludge, and Lord knows what. Absolutely clean and smooth walls made out of a strange substance.
OK, this was getting weird. Then there was the odd feeling one got while inside the place. This feeling of “something is wrong here.” I was feeling the hair crawl on the back on my neck, despite the place being clean and well-lit. Strange man, strange.
One final thing. I have never seen so many alarms there. Motion sensors, heat sensors, sound detectors, everything. We decided to abort the mission ten seconds after getting inside the bridge. It was not a good night for exploration.
We took our exploration-seeking mode to a different part of the tunnels. One far away from the Cedar River Bridge. Which is a shame, since we love that place. But still, you’ve got to admit, given the new changes made, going there would not be very wise. That’s for real and that’s a fact.
Happy exploring, but stay away from Cedar River Bridge. Unless you want to get tossed into jail and that definitely is not a good thing.
COMMENTS
Name: F-Bomb
Website: [WEBSITE ADDRESS DELETED]
E-Mail Address: [E-MAIL ADDRESS DELETED]
As the legendary F-Bomb might say, Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo Yankee October Uniform. Hey, I’m still an urban explorer, though I try to keep the illegal activities to a minimum, like zero. I don’t want to get disbarred before I pass the bar. There’s a nice crew of underground explorers down here. I won’t say if I go with them…hint, hint. But seriously, this change in River Five Points is a sad and very strange development.
I’ll be in town soon. Tell me some stories over a beer at Shooters.
Name: Hannibal
Website: [WEBSITE ADDRESS DELETED]
E-Mail Address: [E-MAIL ADDRESS DELETED]
Welcome back F-Bomb. Nice to hear from you. You know that when we make fun of you, it is all in good, clean fun. I’ll see you at Shooters.
Name: Anonymous Worker
Website: [NONE LISTED]
E-Mail Address: [NONE LISTED]
I work for the city’s Public Works Department and I’ve heard about the tunnels underneath River Five Points. The people that work down in the tunnels have a whole lot of strange stories about that area. All of them are just as strange.
Like my friend who works fixing the water pipes that break during the year. He had to fix the water main that runs through the Cedar River Bridge. After fixing the water pipe, he decided that he would never—I mean never—go work near the Cedar River Bridge. He’s worked in the Public Works Department for nearly twenty years. Survived a whole lot of stuff like gas leaks, fires, near-collapses, everything. He goes to fix a water pipe and he freaks out. Something had to happen. I don’t know what happened, but he doesn’t say much about this. All he says is that he had this bad feeling, a feeling of fear and paranoia. He can’t say much more that that. Too bad it happened to him.
And another veteran of the Public Works Department. Worked there for fifteen years. He was rerouting electrical wire through the Cedar River Bridge for a local company. He gets this strange feeling while in River Five Points. Same feeling as the guy I mentioned earlier. Quits when he comes back to the Public Works Department. Absolutely crazy. Quits after rerouting wire. Never happened before.
We have another story, but a final story. I think that I want to end this now since three stories might be enough to give a good idea of how strange River Five Points has become. I used to work in an electronic security company. This company sells security devices like thermal detectors, motion sensors, and some other devices that others have not seen. The major clients for these devices are Fortune 500 companies and secure facilities like advanced research places. Some government stuff also. Serious stuff.
I was helping a local company near River Five Points. I was responsible for locating any hidden electrical wires and such. They were going to install some security devices. All legal, given that they got special permits from the city in a day, instead of the normal six-months. Don’t know how this company managed to do this. I won’t name the local company’s name, but you probably can find out yourself if you do some research at the county courthouse. Enough said.
This may sound crazy, but this local company had better stuff than my old place of employment. Better than the government. Their security devices were smooth, tiny metal things. As big and as thin as a credit card, maybe a little thicker. A spray of stuff on the back and they could attach it to any surface. Crazy things. An index finger swept over the front and the thing turns on.
And when they turned it on, it was freaky. I felt this weird feeling. Hair raising on the back of my neck. Sweaty palms. The works. I left soon after.
Never going to River Five Points again. Staying far away.
Name: MegaMole
Website: [NONE LISTED]
E-Mail: [E-MAIL ADDRESS DELETED]
Strange. Definitely strange. That’s all I can say about this.
THREE
Story from College Newspaper
February 10, 2005
“Alex in Tunnel Land: Exploring the University Steam Tunnels”
By: Alex Josephson
Twice an hour, students hear the loud and eardrum-rattling blast of the University Power Plant steam whistle, affectionately called “The Lecture Ender.” Classes at the University end at twenty-past the hour or ten-before the hour. The whistle surprises professors that tend to speak longer. After several years of listening to the whistle, many professors learn to end their lectures a minute early, knowing that students will pack their bags once they hear the whistle.
But what fuels the whistle? What produces the steam that powers the Pavlovian blast? How does the University manage to keep the classrooms warm during the notoriously frigid winter months? This is what my story is all about. The mechanisms that fuel the University: the steam tunnels.
Underneath your feet while you walk around campus are the University Steam Tunnels. This name is not totally accurate, as the steam tunnels carry just more than steam. In addition to steam pipes, the steam tunnels contain water pipes, electrical wire, gas pipes, fiber-optic cables, and other assorted wires and pipes that help run the university.
Maintenance crews use these tunnels to travel from building to building, gaining easy access when the roads don’t allow trucks and cars to pass. Sometimes, the repair work requires staying underground and not above the ground. It’s impossible to repair a break in the water pipe if the break occurs underneath the sidewalk without damaging the sidewalk. By using the steam tunnels, the repair work can be done without damaging anything above ground.
I asked the Power Plant people and the University for permission to explore the steam tunnels. After a week of negotiation, the University reluctantly gave permission. The administration and the maintenance crews talked about the numerous dangers down in the steam tunnels. There was dirty water that could be disease-carrying, the rusty metal, the scalding steam, the unknown number of chemicals, and so forth. After reading the list of dangers down there, one has to wonder why the maintenance crews go down the tunnels every day if they were so dangerous. One has to wonder why the University allows them to go down if they were unsafe. I pointed these questions and the University finally gave permission. I could go explore the tunnels as long as I followed a long list of regulations and I was with a power plant employee at all times. Most of them were safety oriented as to minimize potential injury.
So, on a chilly January night, I patiently waited outside the power plant doors. There was a foot of snow on the ground. I was wearing multiple layers of clothing to keep warm. I had a backpack filled with tools and other tunnel exploring essentials. Finally, the door opened and I was allowed inside the power plant. And I was in for a sudden change in temperature.
Inside, the power plant was sweltering. It was like being inside a sauna, but without the steam. I quickly took off my winter jacket. I also took off my sweater.
My tour guide was Vincent DiCarello, a five-year veteran who spent many late nights inside the steam tunnel. He was a big, burly man, heavily muscled. Vincent was barely sweating despite the intense heat.
“Welcome to the Power Plant. We’re going to being our tour soon, so you might as well get inside this spare uniform. Don’t want to get your clothes dirty. You can change over there.”
After putting on the spare uniform, we set off on a tour of the University steam tunnels.
While walking in the tunnel system, I noticed some grafitti on the walls. One particularly common scrawl said “The Tunnel Rats.” I asked Vincent about this and he mentioned that many people illegally come down here to explore the tunnels. “It’s pretty common and it happens all the time. When I was in college, I used to do that, before it became a frowned-upon activity.”
Really. I ask him some more questions. “Yeah, I did it while a student at the University of Minnesota. They had a massive tunnel system. I also did some exploration in the Minneapolis/Saint Paul city tunnels. That was a great tunnel system. All those twists and turns. Now I bust people exploring the steam tunnel system. It’s a dangerous place down here and I don’t want people to get hurt.”
“We’re now coming to the Bridge over Troubled Water. It’s a giant walkway underneath Starkman Library. You’ll get the reference once we get there.”
I notice the bridge. It’s a massive bridge made of steel over a massive gap. In the gap is greenish water. “What’s up with the gap?”
“I’m not sure about the gap. I’ve heard that the library was placed on a bad foundation and the builders had to rebuild it by removing the old concrete. Why they left the giant gap, I’m not sure. But it’s pretty cool to have a bridge down here.”
The rest of the tour is pretty interesting. We walk for a while and we end up underneath Vanachek Basketball Arena, home of the basketball team and a shrine for the rabid university basketball fans. We also walk underneath the football stadium. I can see the structures supporting the stadium and the underground watering system for the field itself.
When we arrive above ground two hours later, my feet are tired. My uniform is dirty, covered and caked with sweat and dirt and some other stuff I don’t know. I leave tired, but excited. The university steam tunnels are a dirty and dangerous system, but very exciting. It’s a giant maze that offers many surprises, but with a certain amount of risk. Would I recommend people to explore the steam tunnel system? No. The thrills don’t outweigh the potential consequences. But if you are thinking about it, don’t actually do it.
FOUR
Memo to MCRGES from Local Headquarters, Security Department, February 13, 2005 (Earth Time)
To: Head of MCRGES
From: Head of Security Department, Local Headquarters
The changes we have made to the security system have proven to be highly effective. Since we have installed the new security measures, we have reduced the amount of intrusions into LHQUT2, C4-Subgrid D3, Delta Point One from three every week to just one every month. The modified ThetaPlus Mind Manipulation Machine has proven to be extremely effective. Subjects who come within a fifty feet radius of the ThetaPlus Mind Manipulation Machine feel intense feeling of fear and paranoia, just the effect that we were hoping for. [Note from Editors: The ThetaPlus Mind Manipulation Machine is very effective for things of this nature.]
This, however, has come with a possibly negative effect. One that, if my guesses are correct, may prove to be a serious problem in the future. Given the extremely positive results—that is, the reduced security intrusions into Delta Point One—the Delta Point One area has received a reputation for being a scary and eerie place, one that people should avoid. This is a good thing if one is trying to portray an image of high-security. There is nothing wrong with that. The image Delta Point One is receiving, however, may prove to be negative. It has become so negative, that people are talking about the area on the Internet and at the city Public Works Department. [Note from Editors: The head of the Security Department for the Local Headquarters is very perceptive. He also seems to be a no-nonsense type of Itanimulli who does what needs to be done. Why he failed to recognize this problem occurring earlier is beyond our level of comprehension.] See the following excerpts for examples:
The normally open area around the bridge free of fences and other securityThis is just a small sampling from just one website. Already, they are surmising that River Five Points is a scary place and that a company there is responsible for the sudden and eerie changes. If this continues, this may cause serious problems later. There might be unforseen and possibly dangerous consequences for this experiment, like the humans causing troubles. I have heard that the earth custom of litigation can be very painful for both parties involved. [Note from Editors: How true this statement is. Litigation is a terrible event to go through even today. Some might argue that the Golden Age of litigation in the late 20th and early 21st century were much worse, much, much worse. This era was called the Golden Age of litigation because litigation was a gold mine. People making thousands, if not millions of dollars from winning lawsuits over hot coffee, fast food making people fat, and other crazy topics that today, we find frivolous. Then again, people in this more enlightened age still sue over frivolous topics. Just different than hot coffee and fast food making people fat. For aliens, they are very in tune with Earth customs that we consider an everyday part of life.]
measures was changed. A fence—a tall chain link fence—magically appeared
after our last sojourn here. This was not a big problem. The fence
guys didn’t secure it very well: no padlocks, but a plastic handcuff
thingie. What the…fence without a padlock. Once we got past the
fence, we discovered a new surprise. The door, once a cheap metal affair
with an easily picked lock, was replaced with a much heavier metal door and a
tougher lock to pick.
And the place was absolutely spotless. No wet
concrete. No dust floating in the air. No dirt and mud. No
unusual substances on the floor like urine, slime and sludge, and Lord knows
what. Absolutely clean and smooth walls made out of a strange
substance.
OK, this was getting weird. Then there was the odd feeling
one got while inside the place. This feeling of “something is wrong
here.” I was feeling the hair crawl on the back on my neck, despite the
place being clean and well-lit.
One final thing. I have never seen so
many alarms there. Motion sensors, heat sensors, sound detectors,
everything. We decided to abort the mission ten seconds after getting
inside the bridge. It was not a good night for exploration.
He goes to
fix a water pipe and he freaks out. Something had to happen. I don’t
know what happened, but he doesn’t say much about this. All he says is
that he had this bad feeling, a feeling of fear and paranoia. He can’t say
much more that that. Too bad it happened to him.
Their security devices
were smooth, tiny metal things. As big and as thin as a credit card, maybe
a little thicker. A spray of stuff on the back and they could attach it to
any surface. Crazy things. An index finger swept over the front and
the thing turns on.
I suggest that the security measures be taken down a level. Of course, security is important, but at the expense of causing more problems later, security is a minor thing. I believe that the ThetaPlus Mind Manipulation Machines be set at a lower security level. Not intense paranoia, but a little less. I also suggest that we use some more standard security devices—i.e. Earth-level technology. We should keep the more powerful Itanimullian devices for the main headquarters.
By keeping the security at a more reasonable level, I think that this will be more of a positive than the current security situation. By using the lessened level of security, we can keep the local headquarters safe from intrusion while maintaining a good relationship with the Earth community. Having the humans discover our secrets would not be positive for us. [Note from Editors: These recommendations are very rational and well-thought out. He should be commended for quickly taking action and doing what is practical.]
FIVE
Memo to MCRGES from Local Headquarters, Security Department, February 19, 2005 (Earth Time)
To: Head of MCRGES
From: Head of Security Department, Local Headquarters
Commander Smerlon of MCRGES—
I know that you are extremely busy with your schedule, but this situation is quite urgent and it needs your expert answer that only you can provide. I need your answer now.
I sent my report to you a week ago. I need a response as soon as possible. The level of scrutiny on Earth is increasing much more rapidly than the computers predicted. Humans are a decidedly unpredictable lot unlike Itanimullians. There may be an investigation of the Delta Point One area and the unusual activities happening there. In addition, the City Council may investigate how our Earth shell company received such favorable treatment. This is not a laughing matter.
Memo to MCRGES from Local Headquarters, Security Department, February 27, 2005 (Earth Time)
To: Head of MCRGES
From: Head of Security Department, Local Headquarters
Commander Smerlon of MCRGES—
The situation on Earth has become extremely urgent. The City Council is leaning towards investigating our activities. This is not a laughing matter. Because I have not received any messages, let alone a response from you or your second-in-command, I have decided to take action by myself.
I have reduced the level of security to a more reasonable level. I have also taken action to modify the viewpoints of the City Council. This action was necessary. I believe that these actions will lead to a positive result and prevent the humans from meddling in our activities.
Memo to MCRGES from Local Headquarters, Security Department, March 15, 2005 (Earth Time)
To: Head of MCRGES
From: Head of Security Department, Local Headquarters
Commander Smerlon of MCRGES—
I am reporting some good news for once about the current situation on Earth. The actions I have taken have resulted in positive results.
One, the City Council, after some persuasion, decided not to investigate our activities. That is a good thing for us. They will not meddle with our activities.
Two, and more importantly, the excursions into River Five Points have stayed at low levels—once a month. The people who do infiltrate our security zone are homeless and therefore, not all that important, even to Earth standards. They have no information of value.
Memo to Local Headquarters, Security Department from MCRGES, March 19, 2005 (Earth Time)
To: Head of Security Department, Local Headquarters
From: Head of MCRGES
Sorry about the delay. Things are so busy around here that it is nearly impossible to respond quickly to any matters. [Note from Editors: We checked his records and apparently, during this time period, he was on vacation. So we guess that by “being busy,” he refers to “busy ignoring matters of actual importance.” Once you think about it, aliens are not so different from humans.] You have shown great initiative in doing important work and making great decisions. This is a quality I admire in subordinates. You might make for an excellent leader.
Good job. You get a raise for your excellent work. That is all.
CHAPTER EIGHT: SOMEBODY’S WATCHING ME
“Satellite headlines read
Someone’s secret you’ve seen
Eyes and ears have been
Satellite dish in my yard
Tell me more, tell me more
Who’s the king of your satellite castle?”
-Dave Matthews Band, “Satellite”
“The dearest things in the world are our neighbor’s eyes; they cost everybody more than anything else in housekeeping.”
-Sydney Smith
“People stare and we just ignore
What’s the use in hiding out
She says all the time
Let their eyes do the worrying about”
-Dave Matthews Band, “Recently”
ONE
Entry in David King’s Electronic Journal (Decrypted)
{ENTRY LOG}
[LAST LOGIN DATE: 11/01/04]
[LAST LOGIN TIME: 10:29:02AM]
[LAST LOGIN NAME: DKing]
[ENTRY TIME: 07:16:09AM]
[LOGIN NAME: DKing]
[ENTER PASSCODE: QdePo9#vm0PiC$LcBeqwsA6oUyWxh5HntY8u3DFjlb61PV#&y1DxQiUYVbn9mBvCeRu
5OO8kHcM49uRVyPL1%Kbm3IxVbwp]
[PASSWORD ACCEPTED]
[RUNNING E-JOURNAL]
[ENTER E-JOURNAL PASSCODE: cQ7LhG5%1DXv3Z0IkeM@9YpJdOi9#7fSZv6py!cb2Nr]
[PASSWORD ACCEPTED]
07:16:11 AM 03/19/05
You know, I haven’t been writing in this journal for a long time. Yes, it’s been a really long time. Using the word “really” isn’t the best word to use, as it is not that descriptive. Everyone, including the most famous writers to weekend-hacks with very little talent use the word “really” to describe anything that means “big” or “a lot” or anything they feel it should mean. Very vague. Yes, I am guilty of using “really” a lot while writing. Then again, writing antiseptically has never been my style. I like to use “really,” but not in heavy doses. So there.
I’ve checked my records and apparently, it’s been nearly four months since I last wrote in this journal. Personally, for me, since I am pretty regular in writing at least one sentence down every day, going four months without writing anything is as close to eternity as possible.
Why this lack of writing? I’ve been busy, pretty busy doing other things.
Yes, I am keeping aware of They, those who might be associated with them, and lurking and waiting. Yes, I am making sure I won’t get attacked from the rear or the front or the flanks. There is no way They are going to fool me or trick me. Not likely. I am going to win.
Law school is going fine. Actually, it’s going surprisingly well despite my lack of wanting to go there. The classes aren’t any different. They’re boring, pretty much non-redeeming in any manner. Sure, I have a disgustingly high GPA right now, but I’m not sure if it is due to what They are doing, or if it is due to my natural abilities. It is hard to come to any real conclusion given the lack of empirical evidence.
Law school is more tolerable since I might have a reason to go there. I’m seeing someone right now. I can’t say that I am dating this person, but one could consider it dating, I guess. Eva (actual name is Evangeline) is a friendly girl, attractive, smart, a sense of humor, lots of patience and tolerance. She is ideal for me. You have to be someone very special to deal with the strange quirks I have. Yes, it is part of the packaged deal. Most will say that the packaged deal is not worth the costs, and that it might be better if some of the quirks were removed. Well, you can’t change it. As my Contracts II professor might say, “This is a case of caveat emptor, or translated from Latin, buyer beware. Or, if you prefer, this is an as-is deal and what you get, is what you get.”
Man, it seems so funny when you think about it. Here I am, a not-so-average guy with a definitely not so average, shall I say it, girlfriend. And not so average means pretty damn hot when it comes to women. Me, on the other hand, it just means pretty damn weird.
I’m not really sure, also, how to describe how I feel right now about this relationship. One could say that Mozart, in his opera Le Nozze Di Figaro, Cherubino sings the following aria in Act I, Scene 6:
Non so piu cosa son, cosa faccio,
or di foco, ora sona di ghiaccio,
ogni donna cangiar di colore,
ogni donna mi fa palpitar.
Solo ai nomi d'amor, di diletto,
mi si turba, si s'altera il petto,
e a parlare mi sforza d'amore
un desio ch'io non posso spegiar.
When translated, Cherubino’s aria reads as such:
I don't know what I am, what I'm doing;
first I seem to be burning, then freezing;
every woman makes me change color,
every woman I see makes me shake.
Just the words "love" and "pleasure"
bring confusion; my breast swells in terror,
yet I am compelled to speak of love
by a force which I cannot explain.
It’s a nice feeling. But I sometimes wonder. You know, once you get the feeling that some shadowy force is using you in an experiment, you begin to wonder about everything. You wonder if the person you meet is who they claim to be. Even now, with something going well, I have to wonder if there is something wrong hidden underneath the good stuff.
With apologies to Massive Attack, their song “Angel” probably misunderstood:
You are my angel
Come from way above
To bring me love
Her eyes
She's on the dark side
Neutralize
Every man in sight
Love you, love you, love you, love you...
You are my angel
Come from way above
Love you, love you, love you, love you...
For all I know, she could be a part of Their scheme, one of Them…a They. By accepting her into my life, although her role is kind of limited, I could be bringing trouble into my life. I might be keeping my enemy closer, as the maxim states: “Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.” This could end up badly, with me like the narrator of this song by Claudio Montiverdi’s madrigal, A Un Giro Sol (At a Single Glance):
A un giro sol de'bell'occhi lucenti,
Ride l'aria d'intorno
E'l mar s'acqueta e i venti
E si fa il ciel d'un altro lume adorno;
Sol io le luci ho lagrimose e meste.
Certo quando nasceste,
Cosi crudel e ria,
Nacque la morte mia.
At a single turning glance from those bright eyes
the breeze laughs all about,
the sea becomes calm, then the wind dies away
and the sky becomes more radiant.
I alone am sad and weeping.
Doubtless on the day you were born,
so cruel and wicked,
my death was also born.
I hope not. I have to accept this possibility without fear. I can either hide and run or I can fully accept this and let the consequences come as they may. This should turn out to be an interesting experience. Let Them figure this one out. Ah, the possibilities are endless.
Why do I say this and possibly sound heartless or even manipulative in a secretive way? I know that They are watching. Their eyes are everywhere. It’s a given. How else are They going to do all the fancy tests and computer models without watching every step I do? They just can’t make up numbers and events and hope to get an accurate result? [Note from Editors: This statement would be true for most occasions, but aliens can be like humans. If the possibility or need arrives that “fudging figures” becomes necessary for some reasons, then aliens will do so. Another way that shows that aliens and humans are not so different after all.]
That’s all for now.
Memo to Technical Resources Department from Surveillance Department, March 20, 2005 (Earth Time)
To: Chief of Technical Resources Department
From: Chief of Surveillance Department
The Surveillance Department has a pressing need that the Technical Resources Department can solve, or at least, I believe, can solve.
Our surveillance crews, it seems, has problems keeping up with Mr. King, the test subject. Apparently, while following Mr. King on foot, Mr. King has the ability to lose his trails. We have tried various chemical and technical means, but we cannot keep up with him long enough to place these tracking devices on him. He is extremely skilled at evasion. [Note from Editors: When we first read this document, we were very puzzled by this. How can a civilization that is so obviously advanced technologically be so inept at simple, low-tech tracking methods? With all of their technological resources, they should be able to easily place tracking devices on Mr. King. They could have used other means. After some thought and some additional research, we were able to come up with a plausible explanation of some sort. By using such advanced means, it would seem likely that Mr. King, let alone anyone else, would recognize them as being different. He would have noticed something different about his clothing or his means of transportation. By using a low-tech means, one that they are not so accustomed to, they would blend in much better with the locals. Then again, this does not explain why Mr. King was so adept at noticing and evading his surveillance tails. Mr. King mentions how he knew he was followed, but it does not explain why the Itanilmulli, with all of their resources, could not evade detection. After all, one can easily find this information on the Internet. If any of the readers know how this could happen, please send us an explanation. We will gladly accept any explanations given. If we come across with any plausible theories, we will give credit in future editions of this book.]
When following him by car (so cumbersome when compared to the Itanimulli teleport machines), he is even more skilled. Our drivers on the surveillance team were impressed by his skills, as he managed to elude every team long enough to get away.
We at the Surveillance Department were wondering if there are any possible solutions that you can come up with.
Memo to Surveillance Department from Technical Resources Department, March 20, 2005 (Earth Time)
To: Chief of Surveillance Department
From: Chief of Technical Resources Department
We have received your memo and the Technical Resources Department has come up with a simple solution to your problem.
This answer is very simple, but it will require a considerable amount of funds. That is, the solution, although simple, will cost quite a bit of money. These are funds that will have to come directly from the head of MCRGES as an emergency fund.
The Tech Resources Department, as you may know, is sorely limited in funds, whereas the Surveillance Department, however, has near-unlimited funds in next year’s budget.
I think that we can come up with a mutually agreeable solution. We will give support for appropriating funds for sending surveillance agents to a driving school and for special projects of an unspecified nature that fits your goals like improved technology in the chase cars. An Earth car with Itanimulli technology would be nice, wouldn’t it? In exchange for this, you will give some of your budgeted funds to the Tech Resources Department. It would be such a shame for the Surveillance Department to look foolish in front of MCRGES. [Note from Editors: This is an excellent example of the quaint Earth custom of in-fighting office politics and using someone else’s problem for your gain.]
TWO
Entry in David King’s Electronic Journal (Decrypted)
{ENTRY LOG}
[LAST LOGIN DATE: 03/19/05]
[LAST LOGIN TIME: 07:16:11AM]
[LAST LOGIN NAME: DKing]
[ENTRY TIME: 02:58:32PM]
[LOGIN NAME: DKing]
[ENTER PASSCODE:
QdePo9#vm0PiC$LcBeqwsA6oUyWxh5HntY8u3DFjlb61PV#&y1DxQiUYVbn9m
BvCeRu5OO8kHcM49uRVyPL1%Kbm3IxVbwp]
[PASSWORD ACCEPTED]
[RUNNING E-JOURNAL]
[ENTER E-JOURNAL PASSCODE: cQ7LhG5%1DXv3Z0IkeM@9YpJdOi9#7fSZv6py!cb2Nr]
[PASSWORD ACCEPTED]
02:58:35 AM 04/09/05
I’ve had an interesting time this past couple weeks. There’s nothing like beating the surveillance crews that They have sent to follow me. The surveillance crews were better trained, but I still can whip them better than a Cordon Bleu-trained chef given a whisk and a copper bowl full of egg whites. I’m thinking they went to a qualified and professional driving school or they decided to go to one of the many schools you can find advertising on the Internet. Some of them are bad and some, amazingly, are good. Personally, I would go to a school with history.
I’m not sure why they still stink at surveillance. I have no personal experience like secret agents or police officers or anyone else with training. I just used common sense and I also read a few dozen books and articles on what to do and what not to do. And I put a lot of what I read into my personal life. I tried out what I learned and saw what worked and what did not work. Double-backs and U-turns are good. Weaving in and out of traffic is good. Ducking and covering into busy stores is good. Having several changes of clothing is good. There are a lot of simple techniques that, when well used, can make life hell for surveillance people. And boy, did They get a lesson.
The first time, I was driving to the Maple Park Shopping Center. One of the bookstores there, T.D. Coulton, was selling a book about samurai history that I wanted. In addition, they also had a book about military weaponry. One of the topics that I am fascinated by is the Japanese samurai. Another topic I have some interest about is military weaponry and how it has evolved over the years.
I noticed that while driving east on Mission Street, going past the local Super Walmart (with another monstrosity coming along the way assuming the city council allows it), that two cars were tailing me. I should know since I had read about this topic earlier. Besides, I could tell since the two cars always made the same moves that I made. Time to shake them off like a hound shaking off ticks.
The first car was the easiest to shake off. I approached the intersection of Mission Street and 29th Street. The light was yellow and about to turn red. I slowed my car down (an unassuming Honda but with a more powerful engine than normal) almost to a stop and then I gunned it across the intersection. They could only wait and watch me go down 29th Street.
Somehow, the first car managed to track me down somehow. These people were good. Much better than they normally were. I guess that my first evasive move was not enough. So I decided to pull off some more fancy stuff. Despite being well-trained, they made an amateur mistake. You know what, you should never look obvious while following someone. Time to go fancy. Something fun.
Ah…look at this. Just one or two streets up, the only place in the city where you can make a legal U-turn into the other direction. And my timing was perfect. Just at that moment, it seemed like every single car in the city was traveling down 29th Street. I racked my brain for an explanation and I realized that there was a basketball game and it just ended five minutes ago. Perfect. There are times when gridlock is a good thing. I approached the U-turn zone and waited. The wave of traffic coming down the westbound lane of 29th Street was coming at a steady pace. There was at least a quarter-mile of cars. Angry drivers honking horns, trying to get past the gridlock. Perfect. Just perfect.
There was a long line of cars coming. Just one or two more seconds until this move would work. I could see the face of the first driver coming my direction. I pretended to wait. Then I slammed my foot on the accelerator and turned the steering wheel. Remember, if you pull someone by the hair, the rest of the body will follow.
You’ve got to love a plan that works so well. I was riding the crest of traffic going west. A long line of cars going west. The trackers couldn’t go follow me for a while. The trackers couldn’t reverse or go forward without problems. Doom on you, trackers.
The second incident, and one that I pride myself on, was the foot surveillance team. Again, there are times when a mass of humanity can be a good thing. Crowded places are a great place to lose people following you.
If you are being followed, it is a good thing to wear layers. If that is not possible, it is always a good idea to have a change of clothing or to be near a clothes store. That way, if you need to change your clothing, you can easily change them. If you do decide to change your clothing, make sure you change your shoes as well. Or at least have a hat. The shoes can make or break a surveillance team. Israeli Mossad agents got recognized since they wore suits with tennis shoes. Instantly spotted.
I was waiting outside the Maple Park Shopping Center and I notice the surveillance. Guess what? The team was wearing suits, perfectly normal, but the shoes were tennis shoes. Not just any tennis shoes, but Nike running shoes. Someone wants to do some chasing, aren’t they? Doom on them. They just aren’t going to get me. Oh no, not this day.
I’ve got a good amount of cover since the Maple Park Shopping Center is doing their semi-annual clearance sale, commonly called “Super Spring Cleaning.” It is, quite literally, a massive, seething swarm of humanity. I make it past the surveillance team. Thank you, consumer horde.
I decide to head towards a men’s clothing store. I need to buy a change of clothing any ways. I’ve got to look nice for the girlfriend. I buy a new pair of pants, a new T-shirt, a pair of sunglasses, and a hat. I stop by a sports equipment store and I buy a pair of running shoes and a windbreaker jacket. Perfectly bland looking clothing. I fit in with everyone else.
This time, the damn surveillance crew is finally in there. I am wearing a collared button-up shirt, a pair of black slacks, and a pair of brown Oxford shoes. Now I have a pair of blue jeans, a forest green polo shirt, a pair of sunglasses, and a Chicago White Sox baseball cap. Plus a jacket and new shoes to throw them off even more.
I notice that the surveillance crew has spotted me. Now it is time to use the crowds against them. It’s shoulder to shoulder crowds. There is no way they can get to me without pissing a few people off. I know what they look like. I can evade them. I know that they are going to mess up sooner or later. I make it to a bathroom and I make a quick change. There is nothing like nearby bathrooms to make changes. Now I look like a different person. I can make my way around here without them noticing me too much.
I make my way around the mall, going left and right, making sure there is a large crowd separating me from the team. It’s kind of hard to blend in if you are the only people who are wearing suits. Guess what? I get past them easily. They don’t have a damn team searching the outside of the shopping center so I walk to my car and drive off. They lose. Doom on Them.
This is too easy. This is too easy, way too easy. I’m not sure what is up with Them, but They sure are bad. I think I could beat Them again. Come on, whoever you are. I’m going to beat you. This might be a show of hubris, but I don’t care since I have nothing to lose.
That’s all for now.
THREE
Excerpts from Transcript of Local Headquarters Meeting, April 10, 2005 (Earth Time)
Local Headquarters Chief (LHC): This meeting is now starting. Please sit down and please, let’s be calm this time unlike the last meeting we had. Remember, we are all here for one purpose, and that is to make sure that this experiment works correctly until the end.
Technological Resources Department (TRD): Ah yes, the experiment…yes, the experiment. The experiment that seems to be going down further and further down the path to failure. We can’t even keep track of a human who has no training with escape and evasion. A human who seemingly can make perfectly executed evasion techniques. A person who can get through a surveillance screen that is meant to be invisible and not noticed. And yet, we can’t do anything against him. Are we even sure that he is just an ordinary human? Given his talents, he is quite extraordinary.
LHC: Yes, given the description of Mr. King, he is not an ordinary human. But aren’t you the one who supported the training of the Surveillance Department members.
[Note from Editors: The Local Headquarters Chief has the not-so-enviable position of keeping a group of egos who think that the other large-egos involved are total and absolute fools who don’t deserve to be given any kind of power. In addition to being megalomaniacs, the department heads are a bunch of whining, complaining people who really don’t care about anything but themselves. They would stab each other (well, at least proverbially) in the back. Well, with their level of technology, the department heads would use a phased high-power laser gun to shoot each other in the back. Maybe they would stab each other in the back with an Itanimullian charged energy blade. One can understand why the Local Headquarters Chief resorts to passive-aggressive measures to show his displeasure. If he can cut them down to shut them up, this is a good thing in his opinion. Personally, in our honest opinion, one that we rarely give, we would feel the same way. In addition, we would rather do something else than be passive-aggressive.]
TRD: Yes, I did. But I thought the training would be useful. The head of the Surveillance Department thought this would be useful also. Apparently, this extra training from the best in the world was not good enough. Or the surveillance agents did not learn anything. Or something else worse, as in the agents were incompetent. I’ll let the Surveillance Department Chief explain the failure of HIS agents.
[Note from Editors: This is another example of political in-fighting between various departments in the MCRGES Local Headquarters. The Technological Resources Department has a problem with the Surveillance Department over funding levels and importance. Remember, the more useful department will get the highest amount of funds, as well as more power. Despite making some kind of deal with the Surveillance Department (described earlier in this chapter), the Technological Resources Department is making a few jabs at the expense of the Surveillance Department.]
Surveillance Department (SD): The agents under my control ARE competent. And they received the best training and they did learn something of value. Mr. King, however, was much more resourceful than we estimated.
[Note from Editors: This is another attempt at the Technological Resources Department getting a few more jabs at the Surveillance Department.]
*****
PAGE 7
LHC: We’ve heard your rather lengthy explanation of the training your agents received. And we have heard from the agents on what happened. Could you please explain what went wrong?
TRD: That would be a good thing. I’m sure this would be interesting.
Chief Technical Officer, Data Analysis Group (CTODAG): I would like to know what happened as well. This will help in doing data analysis.
[Note from Editors: If you recall earlier in this work, the former Chief Technical Officer, Data Analysis Group was removed from his position. The current CTODAG has some issues with the entire operation and is going to make some waves if possible. Anything to make life hell for everyone.]
SD: We received reports from you and oddly enough, none of these traits were ever mentioned…
[Note from Editor: Another example of sniping by the members.]
CTODAG: Of course, it would have been impossible to predict this without any information from your department. Considering how badly you seem to gather it, we can’t run our programs. I think you failed to mention anything about his reading habits or anything else. That’s a failure on your part.
SD: Yes, that is so. I think this failure is due to a lot of factors.
[Note from Editors: The Itanimulli sure do hate each other a lot. Then again, this is like any other human in a meeting that they would not want to be in. They would fit in very well anywhere in Earth given their behavior, especially in any corporate building. We, as editors of this book, wonder what an uncivil meeting would be like, assuming this is a civil meeting.]
TRD: Are you trying to imply something? That this department is to blame?
LHC: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Let’s be calm and rational. There is a lot of blame to be passed around for this failure. Everyone shares some blame for this failure. We should, however, focus on what went wrong. Please continue.
PAGE EIGHT
SD: There were many factors that were to blame. I think the first problem we had was underestimating Mr. King’s skills in driving. For a person who does not have any training in advanced driving, if you listened to the description of how well he drove, you would see he has a high level of skill. He played the minds of the surveillance teams. He pretended to be a careful driver, but at the red light, he pressed his accelerator and sped at the last second.
The surveillance team somehow managed to catch up with Mr. King. But this is two miles down the road. His analytical skills are to be commended. Mr. King recognized that he was approaching the only place where he could make a legal U-turn, a driving move that is generally illegal. What makes his use of the U-turn so skilled, is that he timed it perfectly. At the moment he made it, there was a long line of cars behind him and a long line of cars coming towards him. When Mr. King made his U-turn, Mr. King made a very fast U-turn into the opposite lane. Our surveillance team could not make a similar move as the line of cars was at least a quarter-mile long. They could not drive forward because of the traffic light and the backup at the next light. They could not reverse due to the cars behind them. He used a gridlock to his best advantage and made the most of the opportunity.
PAGE NINE
LHC: You stated that Mr. King had NO training?
SD: Yes, I did.
LHC: And he managed to pull this maneuver off perfectly as you stated?
SD: Yes.
LHC: Maybe you should have asked Mr. King to train your surveillance team. It would have solved the surveillance problem and it would have solved any problems in data analysis.
[Note from Editors: This is a great use of sarcasm in our opinion. He might have made for a great stand-up comic if he decided to go this path. We might be wrong in thinking that passive-aggressive is the wrong path to use when dealing with a bunch of egomaniacal megalomaniacs.]
(Laughter from the entire group.)
LHC: Ah, please continue with your explanation.
SD: The adventure at the Maple Park Shopping Center was a comedy of errors.
LHC: Shakespeare, I presume. An interesting choice of words.
SD: Correct. It seemed like an apt description.
LHC: Please continue.
SD: We managed to follow Mr. King to the Maple Park Shopping Center. This was an accomplishment for our surveillance team because this was the first time we managed to follow him to any destination.
PAGE TEN
CTODAG: Well, isn’t that an accomplishment. You finally managed to successfully follow a human to a shopping center. And on your…now, what was it…your hundredth try? Two hundred?
[Note from Editors: This is the Chief Technological Officer, Data Analysis Group being a total jerk. We like this personally. Another funny Itanimulli.]
SD: Very funny. Very funny. The shopping center fiasco was badly planned. I didn’t expect Mr. King to use the crowd so efficiently for his purposes. The large number of people made keeping track of Mr. King very hard. All the people blocked most, if not all lines of sight of the surveillance target. He could disappear within the crowd and reappear at the destination he wanted.
How he managed to elude further surveillance is beyond our understanding. It is possible, while hiding in the crowd, decided to go to a few stores to buy several items of clothing. It is also possible, while hiding in the crowd, he decided to use the crowd to make it to an exit. We do not know what happened in the Maple Park Shopping Center. All we know is that Mr. King managed to elude our surveillance.
The surveillance team made a serious mistake, one that allowed Mr. King to drive off without any surveillance on him. The head of the surveillance team had six men under his control. All six kept in a group instead of splitting up. They stayed in a general area. Ideally, three members should have stayed outdoors near the exits, keeping an eye on the parking lot. The other three should have stayed inside the shopping center. An elementary part of surveillance, but one that all of them made. This should have never happened.
PAGE ELEVEN
CTODAG: By any chance, do you know what the surveillance team was wearing on that day?
SD: What does this have to do with anything?
CTODAG: I think it has lots to do with everything. Please answer my question.
SD: They were wearing suits.
CTODAG: Their shoes? What kind of shoes were they wearing?
SD: They were wearing…oh dear. That was their mistake! I told them not to wear those shoes while wearing a suit!
LHC: What are you talking about?
CTODAG: Let me explain. I believe that the Surveillance Department head is referring to shoes. The surveillance team was wearing a formal suit with tennis shoes. That is how Mr. King knew the six men were surveillance team members.
SD: That’s correct.
TRD: What are we going to do about Mr. King. If I am correct with my suspicions, and Mr. King is as clever as he has shown, he will discover any future surveillance measures we do.
PAGE TWELVE
SD: I think we might have to activate AOI-101PERS to full status. Raise AOI-101PERS from probationary statues.
TRD: I concur.
CTODAG: As much as I disagree with the Surveillance Department and the Technological Resources Department, I must agree with them in this matter.
LHC: This is the first time we all agree on something. All in favor of activating AOI-101PERS to full active status?
(ALL HANDS RAISE IN FAVOR)
LHC: Any against this measure?
(NO VOTES FOR NAY)
LHC: Then we shall give AOI-101PERS full active status. Hopefully, this will solve some of our current problems. This meeting is adjourned and over.
FOUR
Entry in David King’s Electronic Journal (Decrypted)
{ENTRY LOG}
[LAST LOGIN DATE: 04/09/05]
[LAST LOGIN TIME: 02:58:35PM]
[LAST LOGIN NAME: DKing]
[ENTRY TIME: 00:01:47AM]
[LOGIN NAME: DKing]
[ENTER PASSCODE: QdePo9#vm0PiC$LcBeqwsA6oUyWxh5HntY8u3DFjlb61PV#&y1DxQiUYVbn9mBvCe
Ru5OO8kHcM49uRVyPL1%Kbm3IxVbwp]
[PASSWORD ACCEPTED]
[RUNNING E-JOURNAL]
[ENTER E-JOURNAL PASSCODE: cQ7LhG5%1DXv3Z0IkeM@9YpJdOi9#7fSZv6py!cb2Nr]
[PASSWORD ACCEPTED]
02:01:49 AM 04/16/05
I’m writing in the electronic journal right now and it is pretty late right now. It looks like it is some time past midnight. Oh, it is 2:00 AM. So I guess it is early in the morning and not late at night. I try not to stay awake this late, as I am not much of a night person. Nope, I’m not at all a night person. It messes with my well-regulated circadian cycle immensely and my circadian cycle is established almost to the second. Well, this was a different and special occasion since I was out with Evangeline earlier this day. I guess that a special occasion calls for certain hard-fast rules being changed when the time calls for it. It’s not that I am going to go out with her every single day and make this a consistent, let alone regular habit. I think that would be something very hard to do. That would require making a whole lot of changes that I can’t make all in one day, let alone one lifetime.
This might seem pretty dumb, but I wonder why I never noticed Evangeline before. This is probably the wrong time to wonder this thing. I probably should have written about this earlier, as this would have made much more sense. But since I’m writing this journal, I can write whatever I want when I want to write it. So there. And back to the point of this journal.
About Evangeline (She prefers to be called Evangeline instead of Eva. Personally, I like Evangeline as it sounds different. Eva sounds a little…well…plain in my opinion. Sure, it’s a little bit longer to say, but hey, I like it. I like it a lot. Besides, it’s her name so she can call herself what she wants to). I’ve known her since college, as we both attended the same university. We both took some of the same classes. Hell, we both camped out for basketball and football games in the same camping group. It’s not that hard to notice a mighty attractive girl with a sultry voice. You have to be pretty deaf, dumb, and blind not to notice her. I mean, really deaf, dumb, and blind not to notice her. And it took me until law school—note as I mention this again, I noticed her during law school—to notice her, let alone ask Evangeline out. Given my superlatively excellent record with asking her out, let alone noticing her, I am one of those special people. I guess there was something in my head that prevented me from doing this earlier. I should have jumped at the opportunity when I had it.
When we talk about this topic, which pops up from time to time, she even wonders why I didn’t ask her out before. Evangeline is an open-minded person. More open-minded that I give her credit for. Then again, I am coming from a different plane and a different train of thought. I have no decent answer for this question. I gave her the usual song and dance: “Look at me and look at you. Enough said.” Evangeline dismissed this as pure bunk in a nanosecond. I didn’t have to open my mouth a fraction of an inch and she shot me down. The look she gave was enough to tell me that she probably had heard this before or she knew I was going to give this answer. Did I mention she was a pro when it comes to non-verbal communication? And she is perfectly right with this assessment of the situation. I can be a total nitwit sometimes. I’m learning the hard way.
We decided to go to a concert at the Rhythm and Groove, one of the better music performance venues in this city. You really can’t call it a concert hall, as this place isn’t one of the real large stadiums or even one of the concert halls with plush seats and hard backs. You really can’t call it one of those hole-in-the-wall clubs that are grimy, with spilt beer on the floor and dirty bathrooms. I’ve been to the fancy and expensive concert halls and I’ve been to the grimy, dirty hole-in-the-wall clubs. This place is a whole lot cleaner than those places. I guess that the only term that can describe the place is “music performance venue.” I’m sure there is a better term to describe Rhythm and Groove.
So Evangeline’s friend, T.J. Diamond, is the lead singer/lead guitarist for a local band called Super Ultra Sayonara Banzai (SUSB). Yes, it is an unusually weird name but T.J and his band mates all have a love for Japanese culture like manga, Godzilla, samurai, and badly dubbed films. So while plastered on cheap beer and thinking of a name for their band, they decided that the name had to be amazingly ridiculous and distinctly Japanese sounding. Given their obvious leanings toward Japan culture, and their love of watching badly dubbed Japanese movies (the ones where people talk but their lips aren’t moving or their lips move and the people say nothing), they came up with this crazy name. It sounded like one of those sadistic Japanese game shows where the hosts put contestants through their paces by having them run through walls, getting paddled, and God knows what. The local music scene hipsters loved it and the rest is history. Despite their name, they are serious musicians and they are very good. [Note from Editors: Mr. King seems to have a knack for meeting unusual people. And he has a knack for becoming friends with them also. Not that this is a bad quality.]
Yeah. So me and Evangeline are listening to SUSB. The band has eclectic, wide-ranging and possibly esoteric music tastes. They did everything from Japan-Pop songs, hair band and heavy metal band covers from the 1980’s, a little from Aerosmith and Led Zeppelin, and some indie rock. SUSB pretty much covers every genre of music. Well, not every genre, but they come close to covering every single genre. Boy, was it an amusing and entertaining show. Loud. Very loud. Imagine an armada of jumbo jets taking off all at the same time with a tank division firing their guns. Toss in a building implosion for good measure. [Note from Editors: This is an obvious hyperbole and analogy combined into one. Obviously, they cannot be this loud, but we have read a description of the concert, and the music reviewer measured the decibels. It was close to 140dB, well within the range of a jumbo jet taking off.] That was how loud they played. I think that my eardrums are still rattling from the experience. They also had cheap booze flowing from the taps. A perfect Friday night concert.
At the end of the show (They did an encore by performing a rousing rendition of “Layla” by Eric Clapton, complete with the pyrotechnic guitar solo and an atmospheric version of “Dream On” by Aerosmith. They are two different songs on many levels, so a band that can do them with equal aplomb is a rare thing), I was introduced to the band. Very nice guys. You would never expect them to be the rockers by their breadth of knowledge. I really haven’t met such intelligent people in a while. Law school, I think, does not require much intelligence, per se. It’s more of a “regurgitate information” type of deal right now. They are very people friendly also. The band and me had a long discussion over various topics for an hour or so. I think that we had a good rapport. Great people.
By this time, it was getting to be some time near 1:30 AM. Evangeline was getting tired and the band wanted to go home to decompress. So it was time to say goodbye to everyone.
I dropped Evangeline off at her apartment and walked her to the door. I really don’t have much experience in this kind of thing, so I tried to play it cool. Didn’t come off that way.
I said, “I had a great time with you…um…yeah.”
She replied with a lot more confidence, “Me too. I had a great time also.” How she manages to stay so confident is beyond my understanding. Oh and how she manages to say everything in a sexy manner is beyond my understanding also. I guess that’s why I like her so much. And that is why all the males at the law school like her so much. Damn, aren’t I a lucky guy right now?
Awkward silence.
“Well, we’re at your doorstep. Um…yeah…good night.”
“You know,” she says with her hands on her hips, “it’s not a good night unless you kiss me. A silly hug or handshake will not do.”
Given this, I think that it would not be proper to leave without giving her a kiss.
“Much better. And that was a definite good night. See you on Monday?”
This is an interesting situation that has gotten better, possibly more awkward. OK, more awkward right now. I stutter. “Hopefully sooner.”
Evangeline laughs. “I’ll think about it. After I get some sleep. Good night to you.” She gave me a kiss on the cheek.
I turned around, walked down the steps, and walked away.
Damn, today was a good day.
Time to go to sleep. But I really can’t right now. Way too excited right now. Must go to sleep. Must go to sleep.
posted by J.U. at 11/21/2006 05:41:00 AM
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