Chapter Seven, Part II: Drunken Conversations OR All You Asians Look Alike

A strange thing happened while Jake was sitting at The Eagle's Nest. A steady stream of way-too-drunk people (mainly preppily dressed frat boys and fake-blond haired sorority girls) sat in the chair across from him and spilled out stories about their sex life (or lack of it) and other topics in minute detail. They were the sort of things you just don't (at least Jake thought this was true) tell anyone, drunk or sober. Being drunk--seriously drunk--made people do dumb things. If that didn't turn off the common-sense valve and loosen inhibitions, being in a crowded room with a bunch of other drunk people increased the effects of inebriation. It reminded him of the Paris cafés that had free psychotherapist sessions. People would have counseling and cappucinos. Jake guessed that the more people there are in a room, the more easily people speak. Being in a crowd provided anonymity and protection. You're just one person in a crowd. Who would remember? Alcohol just made the ingrained habit of blabbing secrets to strangers much easier.
The conversations generally went like this:

Drunk Person: "Hi, my name is Drunk Person." Of course, "Drunk Person" is not their actual name, but an all-encompassing general term in which one substitutes in an actual name like Alison, Blake, or Charles.
Jake: "Um, hi. Nice to meet you."
Drunk Person (in slurred voice): "I've got to tell you this story. It's great."
Jake (with some confusion): "Sure...why not? What is this story?"
Drunk Person: "Well, it goes like this..." Intoxicated person tells story in great detail. For some reason, despite being drunk, person has excellent memory recall. Halfway through the person's story, Jake is thinking someone put a psychotropic drug in his drink and all this is a drug induced hallucination. Jake closes his eyes, telling himself "This is just a dream. Once I open my eyes, I will wake up." He opens his eyes and sees this is not a dream, but reality, a horrible reality and he is stuck in it.
Jake (With horror that he is saying this): "Ah, that's interesting. Very interesting. Please go on..." The feeling that Jake has at this moment is similar to the morbid fascination one gets while driving by a car wreck or seeing a video of a building burning to the ground. Despite your best efforts not to look, a tiny and persistent voice in your head is telling you to look. The little voice generally wins.
Drunk Person: "I'm almost done. I'm getting to the good part."
Jake: "Uh...umm..."
Drunk Person: "This is the good part."
Jake: "That was an interesting story."
Drunk Person: "So, are you going to write about this?"
Jake (With obvious confusion): "What are you talking about?"
Drunk Person: "Aren't you the Night Owl?" The Night Owl is a female Asian reporter for the local alternative weekly newspaper. She visits the local bars, night spots, and other similar places to write an article about the experience at said establishment. This generally includes quotes and stories from drunk people. General subjects talked about by drunk people include lack of love life, freaky sex story, the date from hell, and embarassing thing I did while drunk. How anyone--including drunk people--could mistake him for a female is beyond his comprehension. Then again, if you believed stereotypes, all Asians look alike, so mistaking him for another Asian was understandable.
Jake: "No, I'm not the Night Owl. Do I look like a female Asian to you?"
Drunk Person: "You aren't the Night Owl?" After closer inspection, Drunk Person comes to an enlightened conclusion. "Hey, you aren't the Night Owl! Are you one of her Research Assistants or something?" The Night Owl has Research Assistants with her for information gathering or designated driving from a "drunk-tastic" night of excessive booze drinking.
Jake: "No, no, I'm not." Drunk Person by this time has surprisingly sobered up for a moment of crystal-clear thinking. The person has realized that they have told a socially-embarasssing story to a random stranger who is not mentally impaired by alcohol. Said person--Jake--can possibly remember Drunk Person and their story.
Drunk Person: "Forget I ever said anything. This never happened."
Jake: "It never happend. I won't say a word to anyone. I've never seen you, never met you,
nothing. I'll probably forget your name and what happened by tomorrow morning." At this point, Drunk Person gets up from chair and nonchalantly walks away, as if nothing has happened but a friendly chat with a friend. Jake is relieved because this experience is over and he can resume with people-watching.

After listening to five people spill sordid sex stories and other interesting tales, Jake decided to spend some time outside on the patio. The hippies had left and Jake could detect the faint odor of incense lingering in the air. OK, so someone outside was indulging in illegal substances or they were participating in a Buddhist ceremony. He decided it was the former and not the latter. In fact, Jake thought he saw a man wearing a heavy winter coat standing by a dark corner alley. Now, this wouldn't be suspicious in itself. After all, it was October and it can get cool at night. It was in the mid-sixties right now due to an unusual warm spell. OK, maybe the guy got cold easily. That was a possibility. Jake remembered his Criminal Procedure class. According to the language used by the Court, there wasn't reasonable suspicion. Consider the following evidence that raised the man's not-so-suspicious activity to reasonable suspicion based upon the totality of the circumstances. He noted people and cars would pull up and after a brief exchange, the man would pull something out of a pocket and hand it to the person. The second individual would hand something in exchange. The exchange took only a minute at most. When you factor in other factors like the high number of college students as well as the liberal nature of the town, one could become reasonably suspicious of this person's behavior. Of course, Jake was thinking like a local LEO or law enforcement officer. He wondered how long would it take for the cops to notice this person's behavior. Jake guessed that with the police cruiser heading down the street and about to pass by the alley, it wouldn't take more than a minute, maybe two minutes at most.
Jake timed how long it took. Ninety seconds later, the police cruiser stopped and two police officers walked out. One officer kept watch and the other officer questioned the man wearing the coat. After two or three minutes, the officer made an arrest. Jake guessed it was for drug possession and intent to distribute. Interestingly enough, a guy walked by and when he saw the police officers, he turned around and ran away. That wasn't the smartest thing to do, as in most jurisdictions, that behavior was enough to warrant reasonable suspicion and a search. This was based upon his knowledge from Criminal Procedure class. Jake wouldn't be surprised if the police found drugs or drug paraphernalia on the guy who ran away. The police got two suspects for the price of one.

As luck would have it, just as Jake was about to leave, who happened to appear at The Eagle's Nest? It was the Night Owl. She was doing extensive and intense research for next week's article. Apparently, she wanted to relive her former college days at Davis University by visiting the Bermuda Triangle. Jake was the lucky interviewee at The Eagle's Nest. Being the only person (as well as Asian) on the pation made him an obvious target.
"So, what are you doing out here? All alone and single?"
"A pleasure to meet you, Night Owl." Jake shook her hand. "The name's Jake. Not much. Just saw the police arrest a probable drug dealer and a drug user."
"A drug dealer? Cool. How did you know?"
Jake asked, "Your identity or that the guy was a drug dealer?"
The Night Owl said, "The guy."
Jake replied, "Law school. You read a bunch of cases about criminal procedure. Most of them deal with drugs and drug dealers." He added matter of factly, "The guy looked and acted strangely. The thick coat when it's warm outside. Brief exchanges with people. Pulling out stuff from his coat in exchange for stuff."
"Hmm...you go to law school. How's the dating scene over there?"
Jake said, "There isn't much of one in law school. Most students are focused on surviving. A lot of the students are single. Some are married or engaged, especially the females." He chuckled and added, "Then again, my girlfriend is in law school."
"Interesting. What do law school students do on dates? Argue cases or something?"
"Hell no. My girlfriend and I watch movies. Sometimes I cook dinner. Activities for two people."
"Like what?" Jake noticed her poised with her pencil on a pad, ready to scribble down details. "Don't be embarassed. You can tell me."
"Well, I hate to admit this, but I enjoy dancing the tango. I'm more of a swordfighting type of person." Jake sighed loudly. "Oh well, it's not like that was a secret in the first place. You can't keep a damn secret at the law school. Gossip and secrets spread faster than VD in a cheap brothel. Not that I visited one. I was an English major, so figurative language is in the blood."
The Night Owl chuckled. "Very funny. I've got to put that line in my article. Anything else you'd like to add?"
"You should have been here an hour ago. Some very drunk people thought I was The Night Owl or one of your assistants. They told me some very interesting stories. I'm sure your readers would get a kick out of that."
"Ha! I find that hard to believe. We don't look alike." She paused for a moment. "They must have been really drunk to mistake us."
"They were lit, really lit. You could smell the alcohol on their breath and they slurred everything they said." Jake demonstrated and The Night Owl erupted in laughter. "It was nice talking to you. I've got to go. I'm picking up someone from the airport tomorrow morning at eight."
"Nice talking to you Jake. Hey, mind if the photographer takes a picture of you? It'll be for the article."
"Sure, why not?"
The photographer took a couple individual photos of Jake and a couple photos of him with The Night Owl using a digital camera. After saying goodbye, the Night Owl went inside The Eagle's Nest to find some other people to interview. Jake drove home. His night at TGIT didn't turn out so bad.