Chapter Fifteen

"Death and taxes and childbirth. There's never any convenient time for any of them."
-Margaret Mitchell
"The future ain't what it used to be."
-Lewis J. Bates, Some Sweet Day
"The idea is to die young as late as possible."
-Ashley Montagu

It was one of those nice days in April where the sun was shining brightly in a cloudless blue sky. The air was warm and the leaves and the grass was a verdant green. The flowers were in bloom in all their colorful splendor. It was one of those nice days were you just want to spend an entire day outside, lazing in the grass and do nothing but enjoy the sun. Well, Jake couldn't spend all day outside as he had a class in two hours, but at least he had two hours to enjoy the weather. It would make for a nice extended lunch hour.
After Professional Responsibility, Jake decided to have lunch outside. The law school was smart enough to build several benches outside underneath the oak trees. They also built some benches by the fountain, a gift from one of the professor emeritus. On a nice day, you could see people sitting outside on the benches or sitting on the vast expanse of grass near the front of the law school. Jake didn't sit on the grass, but preferred the benches, as some dog owners weren't so scrupulous with following local leash laws. In addition, some of these same dog owners weren't so scrupulous with cleaning up the organic land mines that their dogs left behind. For some reason, the dogs inevitably chose to deposit them in the grass. Jake avoided the grass as much as possible.
While Jake was eating his lunch, Dan Young came to join him. Dan Young was from Provo, Utah and he attended Utah University. His friend, Kevin Heath, went to Brigham Young University. Both were Mormon and both were married with children. Today, Dan's wife and daughter came to visit to have lunch.
Dan said, "Hello, Jake. Mind if we join you?"
Jake said, "Go ahead. There's a free bench over there."
"Thanks. Well, Jake, this is my wife Rebecca and this is my son David." Dan pointed to a three year old boy climbing onto the bench.
"Hi, nice to meet you."
Jake ate his lunch while Dan, his wife, and his son ate theirs. Well, Dan and his wife ate their lunch. Their son, David, spent more time running and jumping than eating. Every so often, he would take a bite from his sandwich and resume his running and jumping.
After a while, Dan and his wife finished their lunch. Getting David to finish his lunch took longer, much longer. It took quite a bit of coaxing to get David to sit down. It took a lot more coaxing to keep him down so he could eat his sandwich. After ten minutes of struggle, David finally finished his lunch. Jake look amusedly at their efforts in getting their kid to sit down long enough to eat one sandwich.
Rebecca packed up the trash and threw it away. After she did that, she kissed her husband on the cheek and said goodbye. She and David walked towards her car.
"Your son David, he's a handful, isn't he?"
"Yes, David is a handful."
Jake drank some Coke. There was a long moment of silence.
Dan asked, "So Jake, how are things going with Clarissa?"
Jake said, "Doing pretty well. Doing pretty well."
"That's good. You seem to be pretty happy when you're with her."
"Never been better. It's kind of strange, isn't it?"
"What's so strange about that? It's normal to be happy, even for you."
"I guess you're right."
"Any long term plans for a relationship?"
"I haven't had that many relationships. One that lasts for nine months is a long term relationship."
"That's true. But you know what I mean."
Jake nodded in agreement. "I know what you're talking about. Do you know what's the really funny thing about your last statement?" Jake paused and said, "You sounded like my mother."
Dan laughed. "Go on."
"I really haven't thought about long term relationships that much. At this moment, there are many more important things on my mind, like surviving this semester."
"True. But really? You haven't thought about it? Not even once?"
"I'm just a simple day-by-day person. If things go well, they go well. If things don't go well, they don't go well. You can't look too far into the future."
"Don't you want a long term relationship with Clarissa?"
"Sure I do. I'd like to have one with Clarissa. But if she's the one I have a long term relationship with, that just depends. She may the one, she may not be the one. Only time can tell."
"Don't you want to get married?"
"Of course I do, but not now. Later. At this moment, I'm more interested in surviving law school. After that, then we will see." Jake sighed. "Now you're really sounding like my mother."
"One last question. I promise. Let's say you get married. Do you want kids?"
Jake paused for a moment. "I want to have kids when I'm married. I'd like one or two of them. Any other questions you'd like to ask?"
Dan looked at his watch. "As much as I'd like to stay, I've got to go. I have to go upstairs and finish editing an article for Law Review. Well, see you later."
Jake waved goodbye and wondered what in the world that line of questioning was all about. He found it very odd that Dan asked them all of these questions. This was the first time that Dan pursued this line of questioning with him. Sure, Jake knew that Dan was a Mormon. Dan was a man big on families and family values. This might have been a stereotypical view of Mormons, but Jake assumed that all Mormons placed families and family values high on their list. Maybe Dan was trying a subtle way of bringing religion into Jake's life. Then again, the Mormons that Jake knew, unlike some other religious people Jake had met, weren't overly pushy on pushing religion on people. So this was highly unlikely. And besides, they generally gave a free copy of the Book of Mormon when they visited, plus a nice and well-printed pamphlet. So, this wasn't a step at proselyizing. Most likely, Dan was being friendly and since his wife and child visited for lunch, this was a handy topic to talk about. Even then, this was an interesting line of questioning from Dan, regardless of who was visiting. Most of the times when they had conversations, it was about law school.
It just so happened at that moment, Melissa and Clarissa walked out of the doors. They were deep in conversation about some topic that Jake did not know about. Something about the plot intricacies of one the popular primetime shows that Jake did not watch. Shows like Gray's Anatomy or Desperate Housewives. He just didn't like them. Jake, in general, did not share the same tastes of the general population. As they walked closer to him, Jake overheard some of their conversation.
Clarissa said, "Did you see American Idol last night? It was one of the audition shows."
Melissa replied, "I did. It was great. Do you remember the chubby Star Wars fan? The one with the bad acne and the ratty hair? He was awful. I was laughing my head off."
"Do you remember what Simon said?"
"Oh God, that was hilarious."
"You sounded dreadful. Absolutely, positively dreadful. You sounded like a dying pig. Wait, that would be an insult to pigs."
"The worst one had to be the blond girl who tried to dance while singing."
"Didn't Randy ask if she needed medical help?"
"Yeah. When she replied that she was dancing, Paula cringed in horror. Simon couldn't help but laughing and Randy explained why he asked that question."
"Why do people watch those shows?"
"I don't know. It's kind of like when you drive by an accident. You just can't help."
As they walked by, Jake waved his hand. "Hi, Clarissa. Hi, Melissa."
Melissa said, "Jake! How are you?"
"Doing fine. I just had the oddest conversation with Dan."
"What was it about?"
"Dan asked me first about my relationship with Clarissa. Then it got all weird and he then asked me about marriage and children."
Melissa and Clarissa laughed. Melissa said, "That is an odd conversation."
Clarissa said, "What did you tell him? I would like to know."
"I told him that my relationship with you was doing very well. I also told him that I would like to be in a long term relationship with you. Then he started asking about marriage and my opinion on it. I said that I would like to get married and later have children. I just haven't thought about it much, you know, with law school and everything like that. It was an odd conversation."
"What is your opinion about long-term relationships? I mean, between you and I?"
"I would like to have one with you and I'll do my best to keep it going. As long as we're both comfortable being in the relationship, I'm cool with it."
"That was a very good answer."
Melissa asked, "What about marriage? As her friend, I have to ask these questions."
"Marriage is a good thing. I'd like to get married one of these days. But it has to be with someone that I truly love. You just don't marry anyone. Who ever it is, she will have a hard time dealing with me."
"Really? Why do you say that?"
"Think about it. I can be an unpredictable person. I can be amazingly stubborn. It will take a very patient and very special person to deal with me."
"I don't think so. Even then, I think Clarissa has done an admirable job."
Clarissa said, "I think so to."
"Yes, Clarissa has done a very good job in dealing with my unpredictable personality. If I do marry, I'll feel sorry for my children, if I do have any."
"Oh God. I would feel sorry for them. They'll be dealing with a most unusual father. Could you imagine Jake as a father? That would be one giant sitcom. Or a soap opera."
"I don't know about the soap opera. Sitcom, maybe."
Melissa added, "Sitcom? More like, sorry Jake, horror movie."
Clarissa said, "I wouldn't go that far. It would be scary for both parties involved."
Jake said, "Could you imagine if I have a daughter? Could you imagine the scene?"
Melissa said, "The unfortunate victim--um, boyfriend--knocks on the door and you answer the door. Or the guy calls and you answer the phone."
Jake said, "I'd probably say hello and the boyfriend freaks out. I probably sound like an undertaker. He gets scared and he squeaks out he would like to speak to my daughter. I tell him to wait for a second and he does. I tell my daughter that her boyfriend wants to speak to her. The guy, by this time, is scared out of his wits and my daughter probably spends most of the conversation assuring him that her father is not a mob hitman, but a relatively normal guy."
Clarissa and Melissa laughed. It was outlandishly silly, but it probably was the truth.
Jake continued. "Actually, I should know this is the truth. I once answered the phone and scared the person on the other end of the phone. It was my sister's friend who happened to be a male. He thought that I was the father or something. It took her twenty minutes to calm him down. Scary, huh?"
Melissa laughed. She said, "What happens when he meets you for the first time. You know, the first date with your daughter. What do you do?"
"Simple. First, I'll calm him down and be the real nice guy, all laid back and whatnot. Then, once he's sufficiently calmed down and least expecting it, I'll spring on him. I ask him the normal questions like what his name is, where is he taking her, who will be there, that stuff. But I'll do it like I'm interrogating a prisoner in jail. Once he's sweating and uncomfortable, I sit him down on the sofa and give him the no-bull speech. Not the traditional one, but the ultra-scary one. I'll tell him that my daughter is a very special daughter and that she is to be treated with respect. While doing this, I insert in lots of interesting facts about the various firearms that a person can legally carry. OK...what to do next? Let me think about it."
Jake noticed that Melissa and Clarissa seemed very calm while listening to this. It was as if they already expected him to say this. Obviously, they were used to his odd behavior. OK, maybe they weren't exactly used to his behavior, but if they weren't they were excellent at acting.
He continued. "I then give out the stern warning. If she comes back harmed, then all hell will break loose. I will inform him that I will hunt him down and know the necessary means to do so. Not directly, but indirectly in a sinister way. The usual stuff that an over-protective yet crazy father does."
Clarissa, who at this point was enjoying this conversation, said, "What if you have a son?"
"Oh, that I haven't given much thought about. We might do some father-bonding activities. There will be the traditional stuff like fishing and camping. Since I am Jake Lau, there will be some less traditional stuff like mixing chemicals and sword fighting and other stuff like that."
"Interesting. Very interesting."
"Yeah, I probably will be the eccentric parent."
"I think they'll turn out pretty well. Eccentric, but independent in many ways, including thinking."
Melissa added, "I agree." She checked her watch. "It's nearly 2:00. Time for me to get ready for class. See you later."
Clarissa said, "So Jake, am I the one?"
Jake said, "I hope so. I hope so."